T Minus 82 hours......

Well, we're almost there. I'm working feverishly to get the house in order. I will try to use tomorrow to finish up laundry, change beds and get the kids packed to go to Aunt Fran's.

I had to get all my paperwork squared away today for my short term disability. There were about 7 forms to fill out and now I have to bring my surgeon his portion to sign. We should then be ready for my 4 weeks of leave.....well, the paperwork will be ready anyway.

Nathan has spent two of the last 3 nights at a friend's house. He's had such a great time but I must say, I've missed him. I pulled him down to the chair I was sitting in tonight to hug and kiss him. He doesn't fit in my lap anymore. When did that happen? I firmly believe that the only flaw that God made in creating humans was not to have added a "pause" button on our kids. It would be nice to slow down their growth just a tad so we can enjoy them a little longer.

As you can see from this picture, he's a good lookin' Tiger Scout!! He's a little knobby-kneed like his mom!!! I will try and share some pictures of the girls in the coming days. I wanted to close tonight's post with a quote from a book I'm reading.....

"The soul is healed by being with children"

--Fyodor Dostoevsky

I would say that is true...at least in my case, with my children.

No words...

There really are no words to describe the love, kindness and support that friends and family have shown to Dan and I over the last few weeks. We have received cards and emails from as far away as New Zealand. We've received flowers, meals and some specialized clothing items (ahem, unmentionables....) as well as babysitting and furniture moving!! I've even had an offer from a dear friend in California to send a laptop she's not using 3,000 miles to me. I can't even begin to express to you how much you are all loved and how much I appreciate your friendships. I am overwhelmed. Today, I can't express myself in words....only tears. They are tears of true joy for the love you have shown us.
All I can do is to thank you from the depths of my being for....everything.

Does anyone have.......

.....a laptop that they are not using? I'd like to borrow one for a few months so that I can take it with me to the hospital, chemo sessions and move around the house with it.
I promise to take very good care of it and return in the same or better conditon.

5 for 5...

Well, we're dropping like flies around here. I think it started with Dan. About 2-3 weeks ago, he became really hoarse and had a sore throat. It developed into a pretty good cough. He's been on the mend except for the lingering cough. Then, Nathan was next. He never complained much (NOT like his character at all) but he hacked and hacked for awhile...and still is. Over the last week, the girls have come down with it. Amelia first, now Olivia. They were puny enough to warrant a trip to the doctor. Dan took all three of them on Friday. Guess what? They all 3 have bronchitis in various stages. So, off to the pharmacy for drugs. Dan has an antibiotic too and so probably in the next week, they'll all be feeling better.
Unfortunately, the story does not end there. I finally can no longer ignore the strange feeling in my throat or the achiness in my shoulders and neck. Last night, sometime around 2 or 3 am, that strange feeling became sore! I'm achy all over and my head is pounding. Nice.

I'm not sure what this will mean for surgery on the 4th. I guess I'll call the surgeons office tomorrow and let them know. Incidentally, I had all my pre-op workup done on Friday..everything was good. The chest xray too. Let's hope it stays that way.

Well, I need to check the poppy seed muffins that are in the oven and I can hear that the coffee maker is just about done. It's early, not quite seven. Only Olivia and I are up. I will cherish this time.

Have a Blessed Sunday!!

Rest in Peace.

Randy Pausch 10/23/60 - 7/25/08

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon Him. May he rest in peace.

2008 - The Year of Firsts

Some of the "firsts" in our lives are exciting. Your first kiss, your first love, your first dance. Then there is your first car, your first checkbook and your first place. The first time you were totally responsible for yourself and paid all of your bills on time! Other firsts are emotional "biggies" like meeting the man you will marry and knowing it in your gut. Feeling the life inside of you stir within your womb, holding your babies in your arms. There are other types of "firsts" too that aren't all that great. Like the first time you realized sharing a bathroom wasn't so fun, the first time you had a fight with your spouse, the first time you put your children in time out, the first time you had to call the pediatrician in the middle of the night.

I suppose firsts can be good or bad, depending upon how you look at them. This year...this month in particular, has been the "firsts of all firsts" for me. Just this month, I found out that I have breast cancer. I have a particular kind called IDC or Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. This is a cancer that first begins inside of the milk ducts, but over time, creeps out into the surrounding breast tissue. Hearing the word "cancer" in relation to my own physical person....was a first. Then of course, there are the first time medical tests.....stereotactic need biopsy, ultrasound guided core needle biopsy, MRI, estrogen receptor tests...and it goes on and on.

I also experienced for the very first time...my own mortality. The fact that I'm not going to live forever. Now, I know what you're saying to yourself....."Eeeevvverrryyybody knows that we don't live forever". Yes, I know that too. But when you are faced with the real possibility of suffering, separation from family and friends and death.....well, all I can say is that this first.....hits you as if you've been punched in the stomach. It's truly palpable!

Thankfully, my faith in God, and His Holy Catholic Church remind me that this life is only a journey! It's not the destination! There is other good news too....I am not angry at God. I'm not even angry at the cancer. So far, I just keep asking why. I know that in these next few months, there will be many answers to that question. Right now, as I wait for my next first...my mastecomy day (August 4th) and for the rigorous treatment that will surely follow, I surrender my fear and I offer it up to all the women of the world who will be told the breast cancer news and for all those experiencing firsts!