A Blog Award!!

I never win anything....that is, until today. Nichole at Heaven's Gift has given me this blog award and I'm as thrilled as can be! Thank you, Nichole! You should go on over and visit Nichole's blog as soon as you can....she has a wonderful family and a wonderful message! I have been blessed by her story and I know you will be too.

Here's how this works:

I now get to choose 5 blogs that I can give this award to. Seriously, this is hard! There are so many out there that I love....so many that have given me inspiration and encouragement as a wife, a mom and a Christian. If you could see my "favorites" list, you would be shocked...I bet there are over 200 that I've bookmarked. Of course, I can't read them all everyday, but, when I'm feeling sad, down or anxious....these are the places I go! Thank you all so much for your time and dedication. Anyway...here are the rest of the award rules...

1. Place the logo on your blog 2. Link to the person who awarded you 3. You can nominate up to 5 blogs 4. You can then add their links to your blogs 5. Leave a message in the comment section of each nominee to let them know

And...drumroll please....here are those I'm saluting:

Dawn at By Sun and Candlelight

Margaret at Minnesota Mom

Suzanne at Gladdest Hours

Rachel at Testosterhome

Christie at Motivated to Change

I know some of these women have won many blog awards...some might even have won this one already! But still....I wanted to let them know how much I appreciate them!! Thank you ladies...for sharing of yourselves with us! God Bless You!!

From now until Tuesday....I'm Irish!!!

A great post from Tales From The Bonny Blue House!!

Is it a mortal sin to vote for a pro-abortion candidate?

Except in the case in which a voter is faced with all pro-abortion candidates, a candidate that is pro-abortion disqualifies himself from receiving a Catholic’s vote. This is because being pro-abortion cannot simply be placed alongside the candidate's other positions on Medicare and unemployment, for example; and this is because abortion is intrinsically evil and cannot be morally justified for any reason or set of circumstances. To vote for such a candidate even with the knowledge that the candidate is pro-abortion is to become an accomplice in the moral evil of abortion. If the voter also knows this, then the voter sins mortally.

(source: EWTN Guide to Catholic Teaching and Voting)


The 5 Non Negotiables:

Abortion, Euthanasia, Embryonic Stem Cell Experimentation, Human Cloning and Same Sex Marriage.

Why Jesus Would Not Vote for Obama

Obama's 10 reasons for supporting infanticide

The Truth about Margaret Sanger (founder of Planned Parenthood)

Definitions:

Communism
Socialism
Marxism

Did you know that Norma McCorvey (the "Roe" in Roe vs. Wade) never actually had an abortion? Do you know the true story behind Rov Vs. Wade? Why not read about her story in her own words about the lie that has been perpetuated for 30 years!!!

An Election Prayer to Mary

O Most Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother of Mercy, at this most critical time, we entrust the United States of America to your loving care. Most Holy Mother, we beg you to reclaim this land for the glory of your Son. Overwhelmed with the burden of the sins of our nation, we cry to you from the depths of our hearts and seek refuge in your motherly protection. Look down with mercy upon us and touch the hearts of our people. Open our minds to the great worth of human life and to the responsibilities that accompany human freedom. Free us from the falsehoods that lead to the evil of abortion and threaten the sanctity of family life. Grant our country the wisdom to proclaim that God’s law is the foundation on which this nation was founded, and that He alone is the True Source of our cherished rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. O Merciful Mother, give us the courage to reject the culture of death and the strength to build a new Culture of Life.

Sorry!

To the person who googled "be not afraid to throw things away"....and ended up here...at my blog....I can assure you that you are in the wrong place. If you could see the clutter in my house...you'd know how VERY AFRAID I am of throwing anything away. So sorry you wasted your time.

Sleeping in Church

My wonderful husband let me sleep until 8:30 this morning! I can't remember the last time I slept that late! I woke up with more energy than I've had in a long time. It was a beautiful morning! Clear, blue sky and about 58 degrees. I ran around the house opening windows so the fresh air could circulate. Dan made the kids breakfast while I changed beds, dusted ceiling fans and folded laundry. I was really on a roll this morning so Dan and I decided we would go to the 6pm mass instead of our regular 10am.
The kids played outside all day. They rode bikes, dug a huge hole in the front yard and got good and dirty. This called for baths all around before dinner....which a wonderful friend brought (Thanks, NancyF.!!). Then, we got ready for church.
I knew as soon as we sat down in the pew the girls were never going to make it. They were fidgety and cranky. Olivia is especially wiggly because deep down inside, she knows if she stops moving...she'll fall asleep. She avoids this at all costs. Finally, they both succumbed at the offertory and were out cold! This was no problem...until the Eucharistic Prayer. They both began to snore in unison.....during the most quiet and important part of mass! Dan was holding Amelia and I had Olivia. We had to keep readjusting them to get them to stop snoring! It was hilarious. At one point, Olivia let out such a loud snort that the entire church turned to look!
This is clearly why we make the morning mass our usual routine!

Funny thing is...by the time we got home....they were wide awake and as I sit here and type this post at 9:42pm....Olivia is laying right beside me....smiling and looking at a book. And to think...all this because I got to sleep in!!

Saturday in St. Augustine

Today, the kids and I made a quick trip down to St. Augustine to visit the Mission of Nombre de Dios and the Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche. The grounds are absolutely beautiful. Often, we take a picnic lunch and just sit and enjoy the scenery. It rained yesterday so it was too damp for a picnic...instead we just took a leisurely walk and chased some squirrels. I was also able to find a statue of St. Nicholas in the Shrine Gift Shop....I've been looking for just the right one and I finally found it!!! Here are some picture of our day...

My vote with 11 days to go.....

So many times I've tried to post about this election. It's hard. I have friends on both sides of the fence...and some who even ride the fence. We all have opinions. Some opinions don't matter much in the bigger scheme of things. But, some do. I think this election is one of those times. No matter which side my friends are on, they all know where I stand. I've never tried to hide that. Now...with that being said....I'm not always good at putting my thoughts into words. Here's the good news.....my favorite blogger, Minnesota Mom, has done a wonderful job of expressing my thoughts exactly.

Here is her post titled "A Political Endorsement". She says it better than I ever could. Thank you Margaret!

I couldn't resist....

Well Said

If you read nothing else today....please read this post by Kim over at Starry Sky Ranch! You will not be disappointed! I am thankful for mothers like her. They give me courage and a boldness that I might not otherwise have. Enjoy!

Out of the mouth of babe's...

Lately, once my stomach settles down from chemo, I crave beef. I'm not sure why. Under normal (whatever that is) circumstances, I would usually choose a chicken or pork dish over beef. However, some time ago I came across a crock-pot recipe for Beef Bourguignon. I tried it and it was wonderful!! Beef stew can sometimes be rather, well, blah...but because this recipe called for bacon and red wine, it had such a rich and yummy flavor!! Served over hot buttered noodles, dinner rolls and a salad...it really is a perfect fall meal.

Since I was feeling better last night, I started to get everything ready for the crock-pot this morning. I fried up the bacon and then browned the beef in the drippings (yes I know....not a low fat recipe). The kitchen smelled absolutely incredible at about 9pm when I finally had packaged everything up to put in the fridge till morning. Nathan kept trying to steal pieces of bacon and cooked beef!! He said he couldn't wait until dinner time so he could eat "it all". He stood by me this morning as I gingerly poured all the ingredients (including the wine) in to start it on low. He again told me how he looked forward to our dinner tonight.

Since I worked today, I had Dan cook up the special noodles....Whole Grain Tigger Tails...to go with it. When I got home, I could smell that wonderful smell waiting for me. The table was set, the kids had been bathed and finished homework! This was a perfect night...and...I actually felt like eating! We all sat down together, said the blessing and served up dinner.

At this point...Nathan turned to me, looked at his plate and said...."Mom, how come everything you put into the crock-pot comes out looking the same...brown and mushy? This is gross!"

Dan and I enjoyed our dinner...the kids...well they had hot buttered Tigger Tails.

In case you're interested...here's the recipe.

Beef Bourguignon with Red Wine:

1 1b bacon, cooked, reserve grease
3 lbs beef, cubed
flour
1 to 2 Cups red wine
3 ribs celery, sliced
3 carrots, sliced
4 to 8 oz sliced mushrooms
3 cloves garlic, chopped
2 bay leaves
salt and pepper
water

Slowly cook the bacon in a large skillet, remove to crock-pot. Dredge beef cubes in flour, brown in bacon fat. Transfer meat from skillet to crock-pot. Saute vegetables and garlic in remaining fat, add to crock-pot. Gently stir beef, veges, bacon, and wine (add a little water if needed). Add bay leaves, salt and pepper to taste. Cook on low 7-9 hours.

Ingenious!!

I surely need want one of these.....badly.

Seasonal Crafts

I was searching around the internet today and came across this wonderful site Craft & Found. Please take a few minutes to browse around this site...especially the "30 Days of Halloween" crafts. Some of them are pretty creepy!

Anyway...enjoy!!

Could it be?

I'm not sure, but, I may be coming out of it. Slowly...ever so slowly. This has been the roller coaster week from hell. Physically, I have felt probably as bad as I've ever felt. Nauseous, achy, weak and shaky...very unsteady on my feet. I've also had some ringing in my ears and just a general feeling of not really being in my body. Emotionally, it has been worse. It seems that all I can do is cry. There is no specific reason...I am just very sad. I can't really focus or concentrate on anything. I can't do my soduko's, crossward puzzles...or even read my book. I tried to get on the computer for awhile yesterday, but, I wasn't even interested in that. I haven't been dressed in two days. Today is normally a work day for me, but, there is no way I could be productive.

Early in the week, a friend had mentioned to me that her kids had possibly been exposed to whooping cough. Since our kids play together....she warned me that this might also be a worry for us. Nathan has begun to develop signs of some kind of upper respiratory infection. I was petrified because I'm not sure what this means for me....or what it might mean for Nathan. Right now, I'm on Chemo #2, Day 6. The most vulnerable time for infection with me is between day 10-14. On the bright side, all of my kids have been vaccinated, but, in my limited amount of reading....you can still get it. I spoke to the oncologist and basically....there isn't much I can do....except wait. If I get it, I get it and they will deal with it then. There is nothing they can really do for prevention at this point.

Soooooo, this has been the very pathetic story of my week.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, and my Mother, I come before you in the knowledge that you will help me. My faith tells me so and my heart makes me sure of this. In my sickness, and in the midst of my suffering, I often call out to you: "Mother!" Just saying this word makes me feel better. When I feel misunderstood and all alone, I know that you are with me and that you love me. Help me, Mary, and when I am well let me love God more. Amen.

This is just sick!

Please tell me that I'm not the only one that is having intestinal issues with this....granted, I'm on some heavy duty chemo drugs...but, this has to make you feel a little queazy!!

2 years ago

As I lay here and feel sorry for myself, licking my wounds and wondering "why me"...I miss my mother. While we never had a good relationship, it's times like these when you could really use a word or two from your mom....just a kiss on the forehead or a pat on the rump telling you...you can do it!

It was two years ago today that my mom finally lost her battle with a demon called alcoholism. During a lot of her life, she waged that battle with courage and determination, sometimes overcoming it altogether. Other times, she succumbed daily. It never left her completely. It even denied her peace in death. I pray often that the God of Love has allowed her suffering on earth to count for something. That she is somehow glowing (or will be soon) with the Light and Love of Christ all around her.

But, selfishly....today...I want my mom. I miss my mom. I want to hear her voice.

The last time I saw my mom was in February of 2004. She came for the birth of my 2nd daughter, Amelia. It had been a problem pregnancy and we weren't sure Amelia would live long after birth. My mom spent almost 24 hours on a train, through snow, sleet and rain just to come and be with me. She stayed for almost a month after Amelia was born to help take care of us. It was one of the most loving things my mom had ever done for me. I will never forget that time.

I know that it would probably almost kill my mom to know that her oldest daughter is fighting breast cancer. Perhaps it's better this way...that she isn't here to have to deal with this. Either way, I miss her so much.

Judith Dianne Corniola

February 16, 1934 - October 20, 2006

Eternal Rest Grant Unto Her O Lord, And Let Perpetual Light Shine Upon Her. May She Rest In Peace. Amen.

Just not up to it

Don't feel much like posting today. I'm here and thinking of all of you....you truly are how I get through this. We did manage to get the kids to the pumpkin patch this morning after mass. When I can, I'll get those pictures up.
I layed down to take a nap and he kindly took them to the zoo as the weather is cool and as close to fall as we've had so far.
Tonight is our monthly family rosary at church...not sure if I'll make it.
Tomorrow is a new week and I'm ready for it to begin.

Post chemo #2, Day 2

Some of the same post chemo friends have come to visit again. The one that is the most irritating and stays the longest is the horrible indigestion and heartburn. This pain is really intense this time. Also, hot flashes, headache, fatigue, bone pain and slurry mouth have also stopped by. I have no idea how long they will stay this time. I've been trying to show them the door all day, but alas, they are still here. The Imodium AD already kicked out that one nasty visitor this afternoon. Hopefully, never to return.

The kids are spending the night with my sister-in-law and she is also going to keep them all day tomorrow so that I can rest a little easier. Since Dan has to work, I will do NOTHING tomorrow! I might not even get dressed or take a shower. I will stay in bed most of the day just licking my wounds and trying to get through it. The good news is that I know that each day will more than likely get a little better until in about a week and a half...I will feel pretty good. At least this time, I won't have to worry about when my hair will fall out. I guess now I'm just waiting to see how long it takes for my eyebrows to disappear. I still had to shave my legs this morning....doesn't seem fair now does it?

Thank you St. Gerard!!

Today is St. Gerard's Feast Day. He is the patron saint of expectant mother's. I'm so thankful for his intercession in the conception and birth of my 3 children. I think it's pretty wonderful that my youngest (and obviously my last) was born on his Feast Day. He is one of my favorite saints. For all of you who are praying for the blessing of children, ask St. Gerard to whisper into the ear of the Savior for you. There are many books and pamphlets explaining the life of St. Gerard. I pray you will be as touched as I was by learning more about him.

Half done!!

Well, I've made it through my second chemo treatment today. Thankfully, that's two down and two to go! To think that I'm half done makes me feel slightly guilty...like some how I've gotten away with something (only 4 treatments) that a lot of breast cancer patients don't.

Anyway, today I'm going to be selfish and just be glad that I'm 50% done! The treatment itself was again uneventful. I tried to read some but I slept most of the time. I haven't been sleeping due to a decent level of anxiety and I think it finally caught up with me today. I really couldn't go anywhere while all hooked up to my special cocktail...so, I was forced to relax and stay put.

It seemed like it went faster this time but that could just be my imagination. I drank ice water and some snacks that they offered. Since being home, I've checked and sent some email, did the dishes, fed the kids, did the dishes again, celebrated Olivia's birthday again with some left over cake, did the dishes again, gave the girls a bath, helped Nathan with his homework and....now, I'm finally sitting on my behind relaxing. The only side effect tonight is nasty indigestion but I've been told that I can double up on my reflux medicine during this week after chemo. My legs are starting to feel alittle heavy. I remember this from last time. I get my Neulasta shot tomorrow. So far, I'm planning to go to work as long as I feel ok. If I'm the slightest bit nauseous or if I'm feeling too tired...I'm staying home.

***I just wanted to say thank you again to all of my family and friends, blog followers (and those that end up here accidentally) for all of your prayers and support. I'm not sure I could get through all of this without you. As a matter of fact, I know I couldn't. I think I must have done something right at some point in my life to deserve all of the blessings that God has given me in the form of "cancer". Some times I feel like I'm on "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" and other times I feel that "peace that passes all understanding". God knows what I need when I need it and He has been so gracious to supply it...through doctors and nurses, other hospital personnel and through all of you. Thank you again and please know that you are all remembered in my prayers as well***

3 years old!!

My beautiful baby is not a baby anymore. I love you so much Olivia...you bring the Light of Christ into our lives. You are gift from God and a promise from St. Gerard. Thank you God for allowing Dan and I to borrow this soul for a short while. We are so blessed!!

More News

I saw the oncologist today and got some interesting news....sit down, put your feet up and relax...this is going to be a long post. It includes some good news and some bad news. Here goes...

To make a long story somewhat shorter....I found out today that I will not be able to take the hormone therapy drug Tamoxifen. While I am estrogen/progesterone receptor positive (actually...very positive...100% and 96%), apparently this is not all there is to the story. My oncologist performed a DNA test on me called "CYP2D6" enzyme test. The bottom line is...this DNA test can determine a person's genetic ability to create levels of this enzyme. The more of this enzyme a woman has, the better she can absorb Tamoxifen and convert it...thereby avoiding a relapse of the cancer. About 7-10% of women (I am one of them) are "poor metabolizers" with absent or reduced levels of this enzyme. This means that my risk of a relapse is actually increased. I was very disappointed, however, he did give me some good news too that I think will end up better in the end.
I do have a couple of alternatives to the Tamoxifen. One is called Arimidex. This drug apparently works differently and doesn't require use of the CYP2D6 enzyme. Statistically, this drug has a better success rate (20 to 40% better) at reducing the recurrence rate. However, you can only take this if you are post-menopausal. My dear friends....at only 43....I have not begun menopause. In order to take the Arimidex...I have 3 options.

1. Have radiation on my ovaries to shrink them into nothingness.
2. Take an injection every 3 months for several years to render my ovaries...dead.
3. Have them surgically removed.

I was not really prepared for talk of a hysterectomy. I cried the entire drive home. I realize that I'm 43 and Dan is 48. The probability of us conceiving again are decreasing with each birthday. I know too that this journey of cancer, chemotherapy and possibly radiation is also a huge factor in whether or not the blessing of more children are in our future. Did I mention that I'm 43 (will be 44 in January) and Dan is 48? Still, the thought of having something like "cancer" determine God's will is disturbing to me....on so many levels. It just seems unnatural. It just seems unfair and it really, really sucks. My decision needs to be made somewhere between my 3rd and 4th treatment. I'm leaning towards the removal...it just seems quicker and less traumatic.

I can't figure out why this is happening. I mean...cancer has taken a breast, it's taken my hair and now I'm going to have to part with my ovaries. What exactly is left that makes me a woman? Please know that I am willing to give it everything, if it means keeping my life. I understand how doing as much as I can to ensure I can be here to watch my children grow up is the ultimate goal. I just didn't expect it to be so hard. I'm not good at surrendering. I usually don't go down without a fight but I must confess, I'm willing to admit when I'm licked.

The oncologist also mentioned that radiation can't be totally ruled out because my tumor was over 3 centimeters in size. He said that he will refer me to a radiation oncologist who will go over all of the films, all of my pathology reports and try to determine if it will be beneficial to me. He said it would depend upon how close the tumor was to the chest wall. More decision making!

The other bit of good news is that since my DNA showed my poor metabolization of this enzyme (which has to do with how your liver processes these chemical compounds), he will have to reduce my dosages of chemotherapy. In other words, my body is not making good use of the dosages he's currently giving me. He said he would reduce them by 20% since my body isn't using that 20% to kill the cancer anyway. I don't know how much of a difference this will make in the severity of the side effects, but, I can only hope that this will make them more tolerable and leave my body quicker. I'll let you know.

One last thing...the oncologist mentioned that since my porta cath is not working at 100% (they can't draw blood from it), it would be of no use to me after my chemo treatments. Therefore, he's suggested that I just have it removed once they're done. Originally he said that I would need to keep it for at least a year after my last treatment. So, I might not have to live with this metal thing in my chest for very much longer.

Well...since I'm sure I've either bored you all to tears or depressed you...I think I'll stop now. I need to try to get to bed as I have to be at the hospital by 7am.

Thank you to all who have been praying and sending positive thoughts my way. I could not live without you. You are so special to me!

Oh Nuts!!

I just spent 20 minutes working on a post and somehow..Blogger went down. It usually saves every few minutes, but for whatever reason, the only thing that was saved was my first paragraph. Darn it! If I believed in luck...I'd say that mine was bad. But, since I don't, I'd say that God is giving me many uhm, uhm, uhm...opportunities to practice the virtue of patience. How am I doing???

Random Ranting

I saw gas for $2.95 a gallon today. Why is it that when it was $3.95 a gallon everyone and their brother was griping? It's down a dollar within just a few days and the gripers.....are still griping. I'm convinced that some people just like to gripe. I also think that some people like crisis. When there is something catastrophic going on....they love it, thrive on it and wallow in it! Of course, the MSM (main stream media) is excellent at instilling panic. I mean, according to them, it's the end of the world! I am a firm believer in the cyclical changes of life. There are cycles to economics, climate, spirituality, fashion, music...and pretty much every other aspect of our lives. If you're blessed to live long enough, you will probably see both ends of the spectrum. Some people are so busy finding someone to point their finger at and blame, that they end up missing the obvious.

Life is not easy. I never remember anyone ever promising that it would be. Some people expect to be successful, happy and rich just because they work hard and try to do the right thing. I've got news for you.....that's not always how it goes. Yes, you should work hard and try to do the right thing....but, we should do it because...it is the right thing to do and because it's what God has asked of us. There is an evil force in this world that intends to interrupt everything meant for good in this life. This force will start at the heart of the family....where God is living and present. It just goes downhill from there. Let's not let evil win.

End of rant.

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My first day out!

Well, today was the day that I had to go out in public with no hair for the very first time. While getting ready for church, I was mulling over whether or not to wear my wig or a hat. I tried them both on...and decided on the hat. The wig is very itchy! I'm not sure how people wear these everyday. I only had it on for about 10 minutes and I was ready to throw it across the room. The hat was much more comfortable and not itchy at all. Everyone said it looked fine....I mean...what else are they going to say? I thought I looked like Boy George without the hair and make up. Yes, I suppose I am dating myself with that comment. For those of you who don't know who Boy George is.....don't ask....you wouldn't believe it!

Last night, Dan decided to join me in my baldness and he shaved his head too. He still looks just as handsome as always. He is such a good husband. God has richly blessed me with a man who loves God, loves me and his children and always puts others first. I could not imagine going through this without him.

Three days until my next treatment! I find myself getting more and more anxious. I tolerated the first treatment pretty well and I guess I feel like I couldn't possibly get away with tolerating it well two times in a row. I'm not normally a superstitious person, however, I'm looking for some solid wood to knock on right now!

I had a call today from a very special friend in California. She was diagnosed with breast cancer almost 30 years ago. She had a radical mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation. I felt encouraged just talking to her. She knows what it's like to go through all of this. She knows the fear of having yearly tests...always wondering if "it's" back. She really knows how I feel. I am so thankful for her and others who have given me so much support. Even though this new "club" that I'm in is huge...and growing larger each day.....sometimes, it can be very isolating. I just want to be normal again. Part of me wants things back to the way they were before my diagnosis. Right now, breast cancer is consuming my life and I'm so tired of thinking about it, of talking about it. I think I need a vacation...from reality.....not forever...just for a short time.
I think I need a trip to the bookstore. Finding a good mystery or romance that can take me away for just a few minutes each day...that'll do it. BooksAMillion...here I come!!!

It's Gone!

This was how my head looked this morning....

And this is how it looks now.......

Losing my hair!

Well....it will happen this weekend. I'm going to have Dan shave my head. I'm not sure I have any other option. It's literally coming out in clumps....and it's grossing me out! If there was some way to only let the gray ones come out...I'd go for that! It's strange to think that soon, I'll be totally bald. WOW! I knew it was coming but the reality of it is slightly harder to handle. I've been very sad these past few days. Not really "weepy" sad, just "depressed" sad. I suppose it's just another stage of this whole cancer journey.

I had the port study today. They injected some contrast material under xray into the port to make sure that it was infusing properly. It is. However, even the radiologist could not get any blood return. He said that there could be some scar tissue that has grown around the catheter itself and this would require a "stripping" procedure to remove it. Frankly, if all they can do is infuse the chemo...I'm good with that. He left it up to the oncologist and I to discuss together.

In the meantime, I have to go back Thursday morning for him to do the contrast procedure again so they can give the next chemo treatment. Next week at this time, I'll be 50% done!!

As Dan left for work tonight, the sky turned dark and the rain began to come in sheets! I haven't seen it rain that hard in a long time. Olivia was sitting on the back of the couch watching it rain when she suddenly screamed...."I see all the colors of the rainbow Mom!" Sure enough, when I looked outside the window, we saw this:

Through it all, God is still reminding me of His promise that He made to Noah all those years ago...and what He means for me today....that through my storm clouds of cancer, chemotherapy, hairloss, depression and everything else that a fallen world can send my way....He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me. John 16:33 says it all for me..

"These things I have spoken to you so that in me you may have peace. For in this world you will have trouble, but be encouraged, for I have overcome the world."

Very Cool!!!

Quick Update

I have to have something called a "port study" on Friday. They are going to use dye and imaging to try to figure out why there is no blood return on my port. I must say, I am so over all the tests and poking. I know this procedure is necessary, but it doesn't make it any easier to endure.

My hair has begun to fall out. Actually, I guess it's more correct to say that it is "loosening". If I run my fingers through it, I bring back a handful of hair. My scalp is still very sore. It reminds me of the way it feels when you get a sunburn on top of your head. It must be those hair follicles trying to hold on for dear life!! I have bad news.....they won't make it. I will leave it the way it is until it starts to look really bad...then I guess we'll have to shave it off. Sigh.
It's only hair, right?

Well...it's 12:52am and I need to go to bed. Pray I wake up with some hair left!!

Sarah Palin Rally in Jacksonville!!!

I think because we had Olivia with us, they asked us to sit behind the podium. I'm so glad that we actually had a seat as we waited for close to 3 hours before Sarah spoke. It was a long morning.

This is two of my very best friends....Diane and Becky! We are conservatives through and through! I'm not sure that Sarah has more devoted supporters!

I could not resist taking a picture of this man's t-shirt! I loved it!!!

The only bad part about sitting where we did was...the view! Unfortunately, we looked at her back most of the speech. She did manage to turn around a few times and wave! Still, I was just grateful we were there and we could sit.....all those people you see in front of her had been standing for at least 3 hours.

Great crowd shot! These people were loud, crazy and on fire for the cause! I'm so glad I got up early (5am) to go! I'm exhausted, but in a good way! I feel like I was part of something special.

They did have a large video screen so I could actually see her face at times, however, it was off to the side and very awkward to see.

Here's our girl as she turned around and waved to us! I have to tell you, I wouldn't want to be on her bad side for all the tea in China! She's a tough one.

This lady in front of me kept raising a huge sign blocking our view a few times. When she wasn't fiddling with the sign...her camera was in my way. I just barely made this shot.

Governor Palin had some political company today.....Florida Senator Mel Martinez.........

.........and Governor Charlie Crist.

Since Nathan and Amelia were in school, I took Olivia with us. She did so well! Considering we sat around for 3 hours with nothing for her to do, she was so well behaved. I brought some snacks and that kept her busy some. She napped, and we watched the police and other law enforcement boats.

I took this for all of my homeschooling buddies! This was only one sign of at least two others that I saw representing the homeschooling community!!

If you're into celebrities (which I've been known to be at times), this is the back of Greta VanSusteren's head (FOX NEWS HOST). She did turn around to wave but sometimes these digital camera's make me so mad when there is a few second delay before actually snapping the picture. Anyway...I promise you...it's really her.

And lastly, this is just one of the law enforcement boats that cruised the St. John's River as the rally was taking place. Let me just assure you...the men in these boats were wearing bullet proof vests and were holding VERY LARGE rifles.

All in all, it was a great day. I hope the debate goes well tonight. I'm not sure I can watch though.....it's getting harder and harder for me to stomach this stuff. Is it November 4th yet??

Fiddlesticks!!!

Had some lab work today. Unfortunately, they weren't able to get a any blood return from my port! That meant....several more sticks in my arm. Some days you just can't win for losing. The good news was that my white count was up! I'm very glad about that. Hemoglobin was down from 12.1 on the day of chemo to 10 today....all still within an acceptable range. I have blood taken one more time before my next treatment. I can hardly wait!

I'm sorry that I don't have any pictures of the Oktoberfest. Truth be told...Dan was in charge of the camera....and...so....there you have it! It was a great success though! The kids had a blast. The weather was perfect....cool and breezy.

Tomorrow morning is the Sarah Palin rally here in Jacksonville. I'm looking forward to it! The spunk and "real life" attitude is a breath of fresh air in this nauseating campaign. I used to be a news junkie. I mean, I really couldn't go longer than an hour or so without being plugged in to what was going on around the world. I must tell you....I don't much care anymore. I am so very worried about this country and the way it is headed. I can hardly stand to watch it. Part of me would like to take my family and move south to the Ave Maria community here in Florida. I know I'm supposed to be prepared to "give an account" of what I believe. I'm tired of listening to the lies being spewed from the mouths of the left and I'm especially tired of the right not stepping up to the plate to set the record straight. I'm so tired of all of the talking heads who never shut up! I can not....and will never vote for a candidate that thinks murdering babies in the womb is ok. I can not....and will never vote for a candidate that thinks it's wrong to try to save a baby born alive after a botched abortion....who is ok with putting said child in a trash can and letting he/she die alone. I can not....and will never vote for a candidate that says it's ok for a minor to have an abortion without notifying a parent....especially since that same minor can't get an ibuprofen at school without parental permission. I can not...and will never vote for a candidate that wants to engage in income redistribution. I can not....and will never vote for a candidate that associates or has associated in the past with people like Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright.....people who degrade the United States of America and all that it means at every chance they get. I can not.....and will never vote for a candidate that doesn't answer a single question asked except by changing the subject or pointing a finger in the opposite direction. I can not....and will never vote for a candidate who chooses a CINO (Catholic In Name Only)as his running mate...who openly mocks the Catholic Church and her teachings and who takes Our Lord into his mouth on a routine basis while allowing babies in the womb to be ripped limb by limb....just to get rid of the "inconvenience".

I think it's really disgusting how violence and graphic scenes are prevalent in Hollywood these days. You can watch people being shot, tied up, raped, throats slashed and even being burned alive. This is all cool and apparently "necessary" in order to get a point across. It is the same case with these video games. Sex, drugs, violence...all over the place. Why isn't there one instance of a live abortion shown on tv? Why? If it's so "ok" to do...if it's only getting rid of an inconvenience...why don't they ever show it. You can watch live surgery....live child birth....there's even a show about a morgue. But....no abortion. Why is everyone so afraid to see what so many are fighting to keep legal?
I'll tell you why.....because most people....even most people who consider themselves "pro Choice" have no stinking idea what occurs during an abortion.....that's why. If they did....the truth would be out there....that it's pure murder.....legal murder. During certain times of the year, I'm not allowed in certain areas of the beaches here in Florida so as not to disturb the turtles. If I do....I've committed a federal crime. However, I can go to a clinic....at any stage pregnancy....including 40 weeks and have the child killed. This is ok....but getting near a turtle's nest will land me in jail. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE PEOPLE!!!!

We are in so much trouble folks! Sometimes I wonder why God allows all of this to go on. He must be so disappointed in us. Someday, His judgment will come...and it will be complete.
These babies need our help...they need our prayers. The abortionists need our prayers too, although admittedly...it's harder to pray for them. We need healing in this land. We need to turn from our wicked ways. Please pray with me...for the babies, for the mothers, for the families, for the truth to come to light.

Date Night

UPDATE @ 10:25pm....Stupid movie...don't bother!!!

Dan and I are going out tonight! We're going to have dinner (thank you Kathy!) and then see a movie.....this movie!!! I'm really looking forward to it, although, I'd like to be able to leave my intestines at home. They are really becoming a drag!



Tomorrow is our parish's Oktoberfest! This is my absolute favorite time of year! I only wish that Florida had more "fall" weather. We have a lot of exciting Feast Days coming up and so between now and my next treatment, I plan to prepare our hearts and minds for the uniqueness of this time of year. Spiritually, the Church is rich with tradition and opportunities for living out our faith in a very tangible way. I plan to take advantage of all of it.



I'll be back tomorrow with pictures of the Oktoberfest!

Update

In case you all were wondering how I've been feeling....much better, thank you! I still have some linguring issues like:

weird taste in my mouth
weird, filmy, gross, icky feeling in my mouth
some moderate lower back pain
minor rib pain
some, ahem, gastrointestinal issues that I won't mention
horrible indigestion and heartburn
general fatigue
occassional nausea
scalp itchiness

For the most part though, I'm pretty sure I'm recovering well. I go on Monday for some lab work to check all of my blood counts and then meet with the oncologist. My next treatment is scheduled for 10/16. I have about 2 weeks left to get ready for the second assault on my cancer (or what's left of it...if any). I'm told that my hair will probably begin falling out by then. I'm not holding out any hope that I might actually avoid that side effect. But I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be for baldness.

Fatigue Meter: 3
Nausea Meter: 0
Anxiety Meter: 0
Vomiting Meter: 0
Pain Meter: 2
Overall Meter: 2

Look what I got today!!!!!

New Book Study

"When I come to a human heart in Holy Communion, my hands are full of all kinds of graces which I want to give to the soul, but souls do not even pay attention to me. They leave me to myself and busy themselves with other things.....They treat me as a dead object."

Sr. Faustina, Diary, 1385

Some friends and I have started a small, informal book study on this book. I can tell you that I feel really convicted from the very first chapter! Oh boy, do I need confession! As a Catholic, I'm supposed to know all of this...and...I do. It's just that, there is always so much of ME in the way! Pride is a nasty little trait. How often do we (me, that is) treat the Eucharist as a "dead object"? How many times have I forgotten that the Eucharist is really alive? If you're like me at all...I find myself distracted with many things when I go up for Communion. Mostly, I'm fighting with little hands and feet trying to keep them from bumping into others and running away from me. How many times have I mindlessly received Our Lord into my mouth secretly willing mass to be over so that I can get home to let the kids run free? Exactly how much respect and reverence for the Eucharist do I show?

Oh God...please forgive my pride and arrogance at taking You for granted. Please help me to remember that You truly are ALIVE in the Holy Eucharist and that my "business as usual" attitude only serves to separate us further. Help me to recognize the abundant graces that You offer and that You have invited me to share. Amen.

New York City????

This is how you know that your kids watch too much t.v.

This morning while driving Nathan and Amelia to school, Nathan stated that he thinks we (our whole family) should go to New York. Ok, my curiosity has been stirred. "Why", I asked. He said that New York has "lots of money". Hmmm, really? I asked him what made him think that New York had more money than anywhere else....was it special trees or special banks?
"No Mom.....they have Cash Cab!!"

Lord Have Mercy!!