Sunday Fun Links

 

Guess what?  I'm starting yet another weekly feature here on my blog!  It seems every time I try to do this, I let it fizzle out.  It's mostly due to my laziness, but, I'm feeling especially energetic this week and I'm excited to start something new!

Now, I know that Sunday is a special day.  It should be reserved for worship, for family and for rest.  The way I figure it, you can click on these fun links while you are resting and spending time with your family AFTER you've been to church!

I will do my best to remember to post these EVERY Sunday!  If I forget...feel free to remind me!


10 Halloween Seasonal Treats

Free Halloween and Fall Printables

Cheap, fun and easy Halloween Stuff

Great Halloween Crafts (make sure you scroll all the way to the bottom to see all the crafts and activities!)

11 Halloween Games from Martha Stewart

31 Days of October Crafts for Kids


I hope these links help to get you into the spirit/mood of the season!  If you happen to be on Pinterest....there are a ton more ideas!  If you're not on Pinterest.......why not?

Basking in the glow....

Image Credit

I'm so thankful that everything turned out so well and that my cat scan turned out to be normal!  As a cancer survivor, you are constantly "dodging bullets"!  I'm still trying to get used to this life of being in the "cross hairs" all the time. 

Lately, I haven't felt very strong...physically or emotionally.  It seems that every little thing can set me off into a tearful mess!  There are a number of things going on in my life right now that are causing major stress and the thought that I might have to deal with liver cancer, was just the straw that broke the camel's back!

Thankfully, God heard the prayers of my family and friends and granted me mercy once again!  I will never understand this love that He has for me, or His willingness to hear me and answer me.  Many times, God's answers to me are NO!  For whatever reason, He chose to allow this cup to pass from me!  I know there will be times to come in the future where I will be faced with this again and I can only hope that each victory that I'm allowed to have will make me stronger in order to face the future...whatever it may hold.

I felt so good today that I made a pan of pumpkin bars!  It made the entire house smell like the season of Fall....of Thanksgiving....and of family!  I also exchanged out all of our reading books that are displayed in baskets on the floor of our living room.  I brought out all of the Halloween and Thanksgiving books.  While we were eating our pumpkin bars, I read aloud to the kids!  We read, "Nate the Great and the Halloween Hunt"!  We had so much fun trying to guess where the little black cat was hiding!  Olivia guessed correctly!  She was so happy!  In the back of the book are lots of Halloween facts, pumpkin facts, riddles and jokes!  For once, everyone was in a good mood and no one went to bed angry, upset or worried.

Tomorrow we have two soccer games and some house cleaning to do...not to mention all the laundry that was left over from our bout with head lice!  I'm still checking their hair twice a day.  Today, the school called AGAIN to say that Amelia was scratching her head a lot.  The school secretary told Dan that she spotted a nit.  When I got home from work....I searched that child's head with a fine toothed comb and a magnifying glass!  I saw nothing!  NO NITS!  The only thing I saw was some flakes in one area where her scalp is very dry.  It's probably from being treated with the lice medicine twice and then from all the other crap (Listerine, mayo & coconut) that we've been using.  No wonder she itches! 

Amelia has a book report to work on this weekend and I have some projects to finish.  Hopefully, now that my mind is clear, I will be able to get some things done and to relax some.

Thank you again for all of your prayers.  You will never know how much they meant to me!

Results!

My cat scan was normal!  When I read the report, my legs were shaking!  I was so relieved!
It's been one heck of a month around here.  I promise to write a longer post soon, I just need the rest of the day to let it all sink in.

Thank you so much for your prayers.  The Blessed Mother heard those prayers and she interceded for me!  I don't know why because I certainly don't deserve it, but I'm just glad she did. 

I might actually get some sleep tonight!

Finally!

After calling the oncologists office a total of 4 times explaining that my Cat Scan was still not scheduled yet, I finally gave up and called the office manager for 21st Century Oncology!  I explained to her that my oncologist had ordered a liver cat scan for me on September 6th and that it is now September 25 and I am still here....waiting!    She was kind and understanding, but, she had no answer for me as to why it took this long.

When the official order finally came yesterday afternoon, I was able to make the appointment for 7:20am today.  I had to go to the imaging department on my way home to pick up the two bottles of Barium Sulfate (banana flavor...yuk) that I have to drink (that I am drinking right now.....) for the scan.

To say that I'm nervous, is an understatement, but I'm doing O.K.  I think it's good that they scheduled it right away, so I don't have time to sit and think about it anymore.

Family and friends have been praying for me NONSTOP through all of this and I just wanted to let you know that your prayers are working!  I must share with you 3 things that happened yesterday that confirmed for me (as if I didn't already know) that God is with me through it all!!

1.  I received a very special note in the mail yesterday....a friend sent me a card to let me know that on Monday (9/24) she spent an hour before the Blessed Sacrament for me and my intentions!  What a wonderful gift!  Last year, she lost her husband (and my dear friend) to cancer.  She KNOWS the worry and concern I feel first hand.  To have her prayers and the intercession of her husband means the world to me!

2.  Last night, Dan and I went to see Stevie Nicks in concert!  It was awesome!  However, it would not have been possible had our wonderful neighbor, Wayne, not watched the kids for us!  He is the best neighbor in the world.  He looks out for us and truly loves our kids and our animals.  As a matter of fact, when we got home, our newest cat was curled up sleeping on his lap!  Anyway, when Wayne came over yesterday, he brought me a package.....it seems that his sister and some others from our church had just came back from a trip to Lourdes and Fatima!  In the package was a large container of water from Lourdes and a miraculous medal from Fatima....all for me!  I can't even begin to tell you how this made me feel!  There was a warmth that came over me that I can only describe as the peace of Christ!  I have never felt more blessed in my entire life!

3.  When we got home from the concert last night, I noticed that the "Traveling Madonna" from our parish was on our shelf!  We usually get to keep her for one week, twice a year!  Since we sign up about one year in advance, I never remember when she is coming and so when the we get the call to come pick her up, I'm always surprised and elated!  As it turned out, we were supposed to get her this past Sunday, but the person who had her before us was delayed in calling us.  So......we got her yesterday!  Can you believe it????  The Our Lady of Fatima statue that travels from home to home in our parish showed up at our door yesterday!!!!  YESTERDAY!!

Do you think all three of these things happened by accident?  Do you think all of this was a coincident?  No, I don't either!

All I know is that others are praying, just like they said they would, and I feel it!  I really do!  I don't have any idea if this is a sign that my scan will be normal or not, but what I DO know is that no matter what, God is with me!  He reminds me all the time....if I choose to see it! 

I may be somewhat nervous about the test, and my stomach might be gurgling a bunch because of this awful stuff I'm having to drink, but I know I'm loved and I know that God is here, right with me through it all!  Thank you all so much for helping me to see that!

As soon as I know the results, I will share them!

Friday Update

Hello everyone!

It's been the "week from hell" here at our house!  I'm still waiting  for the doctor's office to call to schedule my scan!  Yes, that's correct...I'm still waiting!  Dan and I have decided that the reason for this could be that either my oncologist doesn't really think this is that serious, OR, he thinks it's very serious and has therefore written me off!  Either way, I am going to call the office everyday.single.day until they schedule it.

In other news, all THREE of my children have brought LICE home from school this week!  I have gone from being disgusted, freaked out and grossed out.....to tired, tired and more tired....and now, BROKE!  The treatments for the five of us were over $120.  That does not include all the laundry and the new hair brushes.  We've also tried some home remedies....like Listerine and vinegar.  Things were better yesterday, but we're still fighting it with our youngest.  Her hair was very long...almost down to her bum.  Those little nits were hiding everywhere.  We've treated her several times.  We also cut her hair to shoulder length.  Hopefully today, I won't see anything in her head!

Let me just say, that I think there is nothing worse than having to deal with lice.  It wouldn't be so bad if all you had to deal with was their heads!  It's all the peripheral stuff that just about makes you lose your mind.  I'm telling you, I will cry if I have to go through this again.

More news to come!

Have a wonderful Friday!!

Blog name.

I've been kicking around the idea of changing my blog name.  Originally, I picked this name because I wanted to go through my cancer treatment with courage and I never wanted to forget the words of Pope John Paul II:

“I plead with you--never, ever give up on hope, never doubt, never tire, and never become discouraged. Be not afraid.”

"Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."

It all sounds good, doesn't it?  But, here's the truth......I'm a fraud!  Yes, there it is.  I am afraid....very afraid.  Clearly, I'm not a very faithful Catholic.  I talk a good game, but in reality, I'm a wimp. 

Anyway, I'm still thinking of a good name for this blog...it needs a change.  Here are some of the ideas I  have been thinking about.  Let me know what you think.  In the meantime, I've changed my blog description to more accurately portray who I am..at least in my own eyes.

"Yeah, right"!

"Be Afraid.  Be Very Afraid"

"Cancer Sucks"

"Why Me?"

"Blessed Are The Frightened, For They Shall Sweat Profusely"

"The Uniboob Lady"

OK...so most of those are "tongue in cheek", but you get the idea.  I feel so weak and vulnerable right now.   Whenever I sign into Blogger to compose a post, I'm stopped dead in my tracks when I see those words "Be Not Afraid".  I truly don't WANT to be afraid, but I am.  I'm afraid of the unknown.  I'm afraid of dying.  I'm afraid that if I do, my children won't remember me as they grow.  I'm afraid of becoming a foggy memory to them.  I'm afraid of not being brave.  I'm afraid of never accepting what might be happening....of living in denial.

So, I've asked myself, "What is the worst thing that could happen?"  Wrong question to ask myself!  I came up with a bunch of stuff!  I guess my worst fear is that after I have the Cat Scan...that they'll find that the scan lights up like a Christmas tree and that there is cancer everywhere...and then they decide that I'm too far gone for treatment and I should just go home to die! 

Can you say, drama?

I know intellectually that this is silly.  I do, I swear!  But emotionally, it's just where I am. 

Seriously though, I'm taking suggestions for a new blog title!  Winner gets my "undying" (LOL) gratitude!

Finally, lab results!

The doctor's office called me today while I was at work.  The nurse told me that my alkaline phosphatase results were high, again.  The reference range is from 25 to 69, and mine was 81.  He wants me to have a Cat Scan of my liver.

She also told me that the doctor had already faxed over authorization for my new medication on 9/17/12.  This would have been great news, except, today is only 9/13/12.  She seemed a little miffed that I pointed this out to her.  She got flustered and said that she meant to say 9/11/12.  This means that it might be next June by the time the authorization is approved.  In the mean time, I will continue to take the Arimidex.

Someone will be calling me soon to schedule the scan.  My stomach is in knots!  I've started to eat carbs again, emotional eater that I am!  I know that worrying will not add one single day to my life, and yet, I'm worried.  As usual, I'm thinking the worst.  What if it's cancer in my liver?  I need my liver....can't live without one!  I didn't need two breasts!  Technically, I don't even need one!  However, I would really like to hang on to my liver, thank you very much!

Emotionally, I don't think I'm strong enough to go through this again.  Seriously.  It was all I could do to keep it together dealing with breast cancer.  How am I supposed to keep it together with liver cancer?  And if it isn't cancer, what is it?  Something is making those lab results all wonky.

This is my own, personal, living purgatory.

Remember, most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession was left unaided.  Inspired with this confidence I fly unto you dear Virgin of Virgins, my mother; to you I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful.  Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer me.  Amen.

Wordless Wednesday

Sleep

I haven't been sleeping well lately.  I think I'm just too keyed up.  I still haven't heard anything from my oncologists office yet.  It seems, at night when I'm alone with my thoughts, my mind concentrates on this whole issue and I get very anxious. 

I do have a prescription for an anti anxiety medication, but I rarely take it.  I save them for when I'm having a real, genuine panic attack.  Thankfully, those don't happen that often so one prescription of 30 pills last me eight or nine months!

Several years ago, I was given a prescription for a sleep aid...Ambien.  I NEVER take these!  I'm always afraid that I won't wake up or that my kids will need me in the middle of the night and I won't be "with it" enough to take care of them.  But lately, I'm just not sleeping...at all.  I think I slept for about 3 hours total last night.  I can't function with many more days like that.

So tonight, I went searching the medicine cabinet for my bottle of Ambien.  It was originally prescribed for insomnia related to the steroids I had to take during chemotherapy.  According to the bottle, the prescription expired in 2010.  The last time I took one was in May of 2011...on the long flight over the ocean to Rome (and back).  It seemed to work pretty well and I felt better with the 6 hour time change.

Tomorrow is my day off, so I figured that if I took a pill tonight, I can sleep off the Ambien hangover and not have to worry.  So, when we got home from school tonight (it's "Back to School Night"), I changed my clothes, made sure all the backpacks were loaded with homework and soccer stuff.  Rushed everybody off to bed, took my pill and went to bed.  That was at 8:45pm.  It's now 9:31pm and I'm still wide awake!  Perhaps the pills have lost some potency since they expired almost two years ago.  I suppose I should ask to have it refilled.

All I wanted was some good rest tonight!  Some good, sound, restful sleep.  Something that could put my mind at rest too. It seems like it's been so long since I've awakened refreshed and feeling good.

All I want is the results of my latest lab tests, darn it!  That's all!  I need to know because I'm tired of worrying about it.  Dear Lord, please let the nurse call tomorrow with good news and in the meantime, can you allow this sleeping pill to do it's job.....like soon!  Thank you and Amen!


P.S.  I just finished editing this post and doing a spell check on it.....it's 9:45pm...I'm still awake.  Sigh.  I clearly need an updated prescription.  I guess I'll put that on the list of things to do tomorrow!

Sweet Dreams everyone, sweat dreams!

Insurance hoops

In January of this year, my employer changed health insurance companies.  For the better part of the last ten years, I've had Humana as my carrier.  They have always been fair and helpful.  On the days when I did end up having to call customer service, it was usually quick and painless.  Not anymore!

We now have Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Florida....and can I just say....I really, really dislike them.  According to the human resources department, the change from one insurance carrier to another was supposed to be "seamless" to us.  We were not supposed to see "any difference".  HA!

Besides having to change information at every doctor's office and on every school or medical form, I've also had to pay a much higher premium!  I'm paying around $800 per month for coverage for our family!  This does not include the higher co pays....$25 for the regular doctor and $45 for specialists....and $75 to $100 for scans or outpatient procedures.  I've also had to change one doctor (who is not on the BC/BS plan) and deal with the fact that several of my routine (but cancer related) medicines are now on a higher tier.   It all boils down to more money from us!

Now, I realize that health insurance is a luxury and a privilege.  It's not a right!  I get that.  Trust me, I'm extremely thankful that my company offers coverage at all!  Many of my friends and family do not have this as a benefit.  But, I do work for a hospital and it does seem like the right thing to do...to offer services to the very employees that make the services that others receive possible.

For a family that is healthy, none of this would seem like a big deal.  BUT, if any member of your family has a serious illness, the stakes are higher.  Literally.


Just today, I went to the pharmacy to get a new prescription filled.  My oncologist has changed my medication from Arimidex to Femara.  When I walked in there to drop it off, the whole place was a wreck.  Apparently, the roof leaked over the weekend and they are having to replace furniture, carpet and merchandise.  As a matter of fact, when I was there last week, they had just placed a brand new ATM machine in there.  It was gone today!  Probably ruined by water damage.  Bummer.

When I talked with the pharmacist, she explained that they do carry that particular med there, however, she only had 18 pills on hand.  She was going to fill my script with those 18 and then I would have to come back later to get the rest filled. Lovely.  This almost always happens to me!  It never goes smoothly when I get my prescriptions filled.  Sigh.  I said "OK" and went outside to wait (no place to sit in there today).

About 10 minutes later, the tech came out and said that, get this, they can't fill the prescription because the Femara needed to be pre-authorized.  Are you kidding me?  She said she would contact the MD's office and then they would need to contact BC/BS. 

I called my oncologist when I got back to the office.  They said they couldn't do anything until the pharmacy calls them.  I'm hoping that they are all communicating the way they are supposed to.  I've only got about a weeks worth of the Arimidex left.  They don't have much time to get this straightened out!

All I know is that....I'm tired of jumping through the insurance hoops!  I mean, I don't even like basketball!

The hardest part

Why is waiting the hardest part?  I know that I've grown up in a generation of people in a hurry!  I know this because I have felt myself becoming more and more impatient about even little things.  For instance, the ATM machine at our bank takes forever to spit out a receipt!  You don't believe me?  Well, I timed it the other day....a full 17 seconds before it even began to print...and another 3 seconds to print (give or take)!  Can you believe that!  I had to wait 20 SECONDS for my receipt to print!  Now, in my defense, there was a strange looking man standing behind me and he made me nervous enough to want to get the heck out of there....quickly!  Still, was I in such a hurry that I was tapping my foot at 20 seconds?  Yes, I know....

I'm not good at waiting.  Not at all.

This is why I'm having such a hard time waiting for the results of my most recent lab tests.  I don't know why I'm in a hurry, really.  If it's bad news, why would I be in a hurry to hear that?  If it's good news, then all the worrying I've done has been for naught and all those that have kept a positive attitude over these past few days will just say, "See, I told you so"!  Nobody really wants to hear that, now do we?

The waiting IS the hardest part!  The wondering.  The scenarios that I conjure up in my mind are endless at a time like this.  Some of my day dreams have me imagining what my funeral will be like.  Some of them have me becoming a spokesperson for cancer research.....and some of them have me waking up from a nightmare and having this whole mess be just a figment of my imagination.

Whatever the lab tests tell me, whatever the scans tell me, it doesn't really matter.  I will deal with whatever it is.  If it's more cancer, then we'll go at it with gusto.  If it's not cancer, but something else, then we'll fight that too.  It it's nothing...then I will move right along until the next health scare (and I know there will be more!) and live life to it's fullest!

Hopefully, I will hear from Dr. Marks tomorrow.  Hopefully, it's good news!  Hopefully I will take Nathan to Cross Country, help with homework, fix dinner, get everybody in the bathtub and in bed and take a deep breath and know that I'm still here, I'm still living and I'm still surviving!

It's all worth fighting for!

Health Update

As most of you know, I completed chemotherapy in December 2008 for the breast cancer I was diagnosed with in July of that same year.  I had my mastectomy in August and then had a total hysterectomy in February of 2009.  Since then, I have been on an aromatase inhibitor (Arimidex) and will continue this until I hit my 5 year mark...which will be December of 2013.  I usually see my oncologist once every 3-4 months.  Usually, I go to the lab first...I have my port-a-cath flushed and then they draw blood for my routine tests.  Then, I go upstairs for the actual appointment to see the doctor.  He gets the results of the blood tests right away and then...I go home.

My labs have always been fine.  As a matter of fact, when I saw him the last time in June, he told me that we needed to consider making an appointment to have my port-a-cath removed!  This is all good news as I'm nearing the end of my cancer treatment!

However, we ran into a little glitch this week and, frankly it's got me worried.  Very worried.

For one thing, they changed up the way my appointments were scheduled.  Since this is also the time for my annual mammogram, they scheduled things on different days.  They wanted me to have my labs/port flush and my mammogram before my exam.  I'm not sure why, but that's how it went down.
Technically, this appointment should have been shorter because most of the work was done.  All I had to do was to have the doctor examine me and then I could go.

All went well, until the oncologist mentioned that one of my lab results was high.  Apparently he has been following it for some time and it's been consistently high for several months.   It's called "alkaline phosphatase".  Never heard of it before.  According to the doctor, a high result can mean a problem in the bones or the liver.....possibly a metastasis.  Lovely.  Just what I wanted to hear. 

I asked lots of questions.  I still have more questions.  He said a couple of things:

1.  This particular enzyme can mean a problem in the liver, bones, intestines or kidneys.
2.  Heavy people (yes, that's me!) can sometimes have "fatty livers" and this could make the result  higher.
3.  The Arimidex that I've been taking for 3 years can cause osteoporosis.  This can also cause the result to be higher.
4.  He wanted to re-do the lab test now, and then again in November when I have my next appointment.  If the results are still high, he wants to do a PET Scan to check for cancer.

Surprisingly enough, I did not feel any better after this appointment.  As a matter of fact, I'm more scared than ever.  My oncologist is very careful about what he says to me.  Because he even mentioned the possibility of metastasis, just proves the point that this is very serious and he thinks it's a very good possibility.

I'm trying with all my might to "BE NOT AFRAID", but I must confess, I'm scared.  The thing is...this IS my life now.  I will always be seen by an oncologist.  Sometimes, my lab work will be wonky and they will want to do more testing.  I will be afraid.  They will do more tests.  I will find out the answer and either way, I WILL DEAL with the outcome.

At three and a half years into my cancer diagnosis, I've learned some new ways of coping with the stress.  For one thing, I have a prescription for some anti anxiety medication.  I don't usually take them, but they are there if I need them.  I've also learned (I think I kind of always known this) that I have a wonderful support system and I KNOW that I am NEVER alone.  My family, my friends and total strangers will pray for me and I will get through this...not matter the outcome.

I've also learned that after a cancer diagnosis, you are on a life long journey of survival.  You take one day at a time and one issue at a time.  The fighting and surviving never ends...well...until THE END, but the point is, I'm never "out of the woods".  We (my medical team, my family...and myself) have to keep diligent and we have to keep moving along...surviving.

Hopefully, this particular issue will work itself out and I can move on until we hit the next glitch.
I was told that I should hear from the oncologist sometime on Monday or Tuesday to tell me the results of the newest lab test.  If it's normal, we do nothing.  If it's high again, then we move on to the next step.  I assume this will be another scan.  The good news about a scan is that...if something is there...it will show up.

Right now, I'm just praying that my liver and my bones are cancer free.  I'm really not in the mood to be back in the cancer club.  I don't have time for chemotherapy and for feeling bad.  My focus right now is on my kids and their education.

If you find that you have a few extra minutes at mass or when you are visiting Our Lord in Adoration, could you please mention me and my family?  I would greatly appreciate it!

You KNOW I will keep you posted!!



Since taking the Arimidex, I do have a lot of bone pain and stiffness.  Especially in the morning.  He decided to change what I'm taking to something called Femara.  This is another aromatase inhibitor, but apparently it has less side effects of bone pain.  He said he didn't prescribe this to me from the start for two reasons....1.  Back at the beginning of 2009, this med was over $150 more per month than it is now...and 2, they usually give this med to women who's cancer had also spread to their lymph nodes.  Mine hadn't. 
3. 

The forces are against me!

I can't seem to get ahead.  Seriously. 

Every single time I turn around, I get hit in the gut!  Here's what I mean....

1.  For starters, school is kicking my hiney!!  I pick the kids up after school, we get a snack and then we sit down and do homework.  This year, I have all three of them with homework!  Amelia requires my constant attention.  She can't work on her own.  I'm going back and forth between the two girls trying to keep them focused.  Nathan is pretty much on his own this year, but, he routinely asks for my help too.  I may or may not get dinner on the table.  Truthfully, we've not been eating very healthy lately.  I've used the slow cooker several times, but mostly, we're eating leftovers or something fast.  By the time I can finally breathe (after homework, dinner, dishes, baths and bedtime), I'm usually still wearing my I.D. badge from work!  Although I'm often thinking about my online friends, I don't have much time to post.  When I sit down at the computer, I check my email, check Facebook and try to read my favorite blogs.  If I do get around to composing a post, I fall asleep.  Two weeks ago, I woke up at 5:30am with my laptop still on my lap, and the light still on!

2.  I'm itching to get my OAMC done!  However, in order to do it, I need to do a large shopping trip....which we can't afford right now.  The alternator belt broke on the truck....$200.  The dryer died....$150 for a used one.  There went half the grocery budget for the month!

3.  I finally bought the last of the supplies I need for my Home Management Binder!  This I will complete soon.  I'm so glad!  I'll feel much better when this is all done.  The only thing that I might change is the color of the letters for my front cover.  I bought black, but I think I should go with a different color.  Pictures to follow!

4.  Amelia is struggling in school right now.  It's a continuation of the problems we had last year.  I'm sorry I can't elaborate more right now...I'm just too emotional about it.

5.  I see my oncologist on Thursday.  This always makes me crazy. 

6.  I'm devastated by what has happened with Fr. Groeschel.  I guess people are never allowed to misspeak or make a mistake.  This man has lived his entire life in the service of others and no one will ever remember that now.  They'll only remember these last words.  It's a shame.

It just seems like when I take a step forward, it ends up being two steps back!  The wind has been taken out of my sails several times over the last few weeks.  I'm doing my best to keep going though.   

I think I need a vacation!