Judas!

We just finished watching Franco Zeffirelli's 1977 film "Jesus of Nazareth".  We love this movie!  We usually watch the entire movie during Lent and then we watch snippets of it at other times of the year.  I'm not sure there is anybody that portrays Our Lord quite like Robert Powell. 

Each time I see this movie, I feel a certain connection to Judas.  I realize that he's the 'bad guy' in this situation...the guy that everybody loves to hate...the fall guy.  So what is it that makes me feel so sorry for him?  What is it that makes him so human, so typical, so pathetic?

Before I answer that, let me point out that I am NOT a theologian!  I am not a priest (as if you didn't know)!  I'm not a member of the clergy, religious or secular order of ANY kind.  I don't hold any degree (unless you count an AA) and I'm NOT an apologist.  I'm just a simple 46 year old, overweight wife and mother of 3 who wonders if there was room in heaven for Judas.

I know that there are people who will jump all over me for even the suggestion that Judas could be in heaven.  I get that...he betrayed Christ!  But so did Peter.  We know that Peter repented.  The movie depicts Judas as repentive (is that even a word?), although he fell into despair and ended his own life.  It has been suggested that Judas could have chosen to repent and therefore save himself from eternal damnation. 

In my heart of hearts, I feel fairly sure that Judas "understood" what he had done. I feel as though the unforgivable sin that Judas committed was not the betrayal of Jesus, but that he despaired so much that he felt he could not be forgiven....that even God Himself couldn't (or wouldn't) forgive him.  To me, it just seems highly unlikely that Judas was not sorry for what he had done.  It's hard to wrap my arms around the concept that his confession (as imperfect as it may have been) would not have been accepted.

I have had times in my life when I have felt unforgivable. I have had times when I know I have betrayed Jesus.  During those times, it's as though I've held the nail while it was thrusted into His hands.  Sometimes, I KNOW what I'm doing, thinking or saying is hammering those nails in....but I do it, think it or say it anyway.  How can God possibly love me more than He loved Judas?  How could Judas be destined from before time began to go to hell?

Here's a WILD question......Could the case be made that Judas assisted in our Salvation?  If Judas had not turned Jesus in....would He have been arrested?  Would He have been condemned to die?  How would God have brought about the Salvation of the world without Judas?

The bottom line for me is that NONE of us can know for certain where Judas will spend eternity.  We do not know what happened at the moment of death.  We do not know if he truly repented.  I just know that if there is room in heaven for me, there must be room for Judas.

There is a saying.

I've heard it said that "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all". Well, that's pretty much been my mantra lately. I can't tell you how discouraged I am by the things that are going on in the world.....everything from the confirmation of Kagan to the Supreme Court, the ruling in California over Proposition 8, and new taxes for a "climate" fund. Then, of course, there is poor Tiger Woods who has played his worst golf tournament of his entire career (doesn't your heart just bleed for him?), and in today's news...the Taliban claims responsibility for the murder of 6 American missionaries.

Personally, I am no longer surprised by the things that are happening. Instead of surprised, I'm just numb. It's sad really, to become so desensitized to this nonsense that you are indifferent toward it.

As Christians, we are called to be "in" the world, but not "of" it. Colossians 3:2 states, "Think of what is above, not what is on earth." This Scripture reminds me of a song by Christian music artist Margaret Becker. The song is called "Keep My Mind". The chorus is:

Keep my mind on higher things
Keep my mind on truth
Keep my mind on the anchor of love
That I have found in You
Sometimes it can be really hard to keep my mind on the things of God when all I want to do is to whack someone over the head for idiotic behavior/ideology (when in fact, it would be MY idiotic behavior that would deserve such a WHACK!). I mean, as a society, I think our moral conscience has been clouded. At times, I know my sense of sin has become somewhat distorted. Pope John Paul II once said, "When the conscience is weakened the sense of God is also obscured, and as a result, with the loss of this decisive inner point of reference, the sense of sin is lost." From Reconciliation and Penance, December 2, 1984.

Yesterday, while doing an examination of conscience for my hourly daily weekly monthly confession, I realized that my discouragement and despair at the state of the world is sinful. Did you know that things like indifference or ingratitude to God, not trusting God, giving into depression-self pity-or self deprecating thoughts, making rash judgements (uh oh) are all sins?

Soooo, I tell you all of this to let you know that I've turned over a new leaf!  Starting TODAY, I'm going to focus on GOOD NEWS!  I am no longer going to despair of the things that are going on in the world.  I mean it!  For instance....here is some GOOD NEWS for a change:

1.  After WWII Rescue, Soldier Devotes Life to Helping His Saviors

2.  Oscar the Cat Walks With Bionic Feet

3.  Soldier Reunited With Dog Who Saved His Life

4.  11 Year Old Saves Family From Car Crash

5.  Father's Day Heroes

Dear God, Please help me to remember to focus on the wonder of your creation.  Help me to see the good in people, even when I have to look REALLY hard.  Help me to recognize that my own loss of the sense of sin does not bring me closer to you but pushes us further apart.  I know I have failed you.  Please grant me the strength to go against the flow even when joining in with complaining and whining is easiest and familiar.  Please give me the ears to hear YOUR VOICE and to respond in the way you would have me respond.  Forgive me for offending you  and for offending others.  Thank you for giving me your Son so that I can be made clean and may one day, stand in your presence.  Amen.