Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Could it be?

I'm not sure, but, I may be coming out of it. Slowly...ever so slowly. This has been the roller coaster week from hell. Physically, I have felt probably as bad as I've ever felt. Nauseous, achy, weak and shaky...very unsteady on my feet. I've also had some ringing in my ears and just a general feeling of not really being in my body. Emotionally, it has been worse. It seems that all I can do is cry. There is no specific reason...I am just very sad. I can't really focus or concentrate on anything. I can't do my soduko's, crossward puzzles...or even read my book. I tried to get on the computer for awhile yesterday, but, I wasn't even interested in that. I haven't been dressed in two days. Today is normally a work day for me, but, there is no way I could be productive.

Early in the week, a friend had mentioned to me that her kids had possibly been exposed to whooping cough. Since our kids play together....she warned me that this might also be a worry for us. Nathan has begun to develop signs of some kind of upper respiratory infection. I was petrified because I'm not sure what this means for me....or what it might mean for Nathan. Right now, I'm on Chemo #2, Day 6. The most vulnerable time for infection with me is between day 10-14. On the bright side, all of my kids have been vaccinated, but, in my limited amount of can still get it. I spoke to the oncologist and basically....there isn't much I can do....except wait. If I get it, I get it and they will deal with it then. There is nothing they can really do for prevention at this point.

Soooooo, this has been the very pathetic story of my week.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, and my Mother, I come before you in the knowledge that you will help me. My faith tells me so and my heart makes me sure of this. In my sickness, and in the midst of my suffering, I often call out to you: "Mother!" Just saying this word makes me feel better. When I feel misunderstood and all alone, I know that you are with me and that you love me. Help me, Mary, and when I am well let me love God more. Amen.

No comments: