Do you ever get the feeling......(warning: this post will NOT be rated G!)

Do you ever get the feeling that the world is falling apart?  I mean, seriously.  Do you ever feel as though life as we know it is destined to implode? 

I am a news junkie.  I hate that about myself.  I can't be "unplugged" from some kind of news outlet for very long without feeling withdrawal symptoms.  I wish I could just trust God and let it all go.  But, alas, I can't.  I think some of it comes from my tendency towards anxiety and panic.  More than likely, it's a control issue.  I feel that I need to know what's going on in order to know what to do.  The thing is....knowing what's going on in NO way protects me from it.  It doesn't really change anything.  God is still God, He is still on His throne and I am essentially powerless to alter the course of most of the issues I'm concerned about.

Have no idea what I'm talking about? Here are a few recent news headlines that have me completely perplexed as to why God allows us to exist anymore:


Hotel in London removes Bibles from all of it's rooms and replaces it with the book "Fifty Shades of Grey".  You're kidding me, right?  How have we come to this?  Hotels already supply pornographic movies and bedbugs (as well as filthy bedspreads), but somehow we now need immoral books?

Al Qaeda forming suicide cells to make jihad in the name of God.  I realize that this is nothing new but I would like to thank the New York Times (can you sense my sarcasm?) for reminding me that having Syria actively in the mix has bumped things up another level.  This should be fun.

Government is spying on every single American.  I highly doubt that the government is interested in anything I do or say, but isn't it nice to know the Imperial Federal Government of the U.S.A. has overstepped it's boundaries of power in order to keep track of your private life.  It isn't enough that the U.S. Census invaded our privacy by making us answer questions that have NO bearing on the number of people in the country....it isn't enough that the use of GPS systems in cars and phones can keep track of you NO MATTER where you go....it isn't enough that they can tap your phone, see your bank account and watch you undress by way of satellites!  I mean...WHAT is private anymore?

Drought and famine.  Where have we heard that before? In those Bibles that the hotel in London is removing...that's where!

State systems for overseas voters vulnerable to hacking.  Great.  Just great.

Iran to deploy warships in the Atlantic.  Best news I've heard all day......NOT!

Gay rights group plans "kiss in" against Chik-Fil-A.   Sigh.  And in a related story....Rosanne Barr wishes CANCER on Chik-Fil-A customers!  Can I ask a question here....Why on earth is Rosanne Barr's opinion making the news? 

S.F. Library installs computer privacy screens for more discreet porn watching.  And this is supposed to make parents feel better?  I don't think so.

Superbug resistance follows seasonal drug use.  Lovely.  Soon there won't be anything strong enough to fight off this stuff.

11 year old catches plane from Manchester to Rome without ticket or passport.  But I have to basically strip down to my skivvies in order to get on a plane...or I can't carry on more than 3 oz of shampoo because they'll think I'm a terrorist.  Dare I ask where this kids parents were?

Over 200 human fetuses found in Russian forest.  Souls will spend eternity in hell for this!

All of these stories are RECENT...as in the last few days!  How have we gotten to this point in history?  Our culture is so desensitized to these types of reality that we don't even blink an eye after reading them.  We, as a society, move right along in our daily lives as if none of this happening.  I honestly don't know what's the right thing to do.  Would it be better to not read/watch the news and pretend that it isn't going on?  Is it better to bring it into the forefront here in my corner of the internet...in my corner of the world to bring more awareness?  I don't know.  I really don't.

I have tried so hard over the last several months to be more positive.  I've tried not to dwell on all the evil in the world.  I try to keep things in perspective and just keep praying. I try to keep my mouth shut unless I am defending my faith (for that, I will NEVER keep my mouth shut!).  I try not be judgemental....but when I'm defending my faith...sometimes, it seems that way even when it isn't my intention.

Sometimes, I get the urge to move my family to the middle of nowhere.  Grow my own food, live off the grid and hide.  I know that's not what God has called me to do...but I still think about it.

I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.  I'll keep on defending the Catholic Church, defending unborn babies and the elderly and sick.  I'll keep praying for peace, for humility, for more gratitude for all the GOOD things (although they are sometimes hard to find in the news) that I've been given.  I will ask for the protection of the Communion of Saints, our Blessed Mother, and St. Michael.  I will keep receiving the sacraments, especially the Eucharist and Confession.  I will continue to take care of my family, go to work, do the laundry and all the things that my state in life entails.  My only choice is to let God take care of the big stuff.

It's THAT kind of day!

It's 1:14pm and I'm ready for bed!  It's been one of those days.

As I type this, I'm watching Amelia stand on the window sill in the living room.  It's pouring rain...and has been since about 11pm last night.  There are piles of folded clothes sitting on the coffee table surrounding the bird cage.  For the last 30 minutes, the bird has been trying to get out of his cage.  Perhaps he hates the laundry as much as I do. He can almost get the door up far enough to get out....he just needs another bird to help him and he would be on the Widener's most wanted list!  Clearly, this is how he broke free from his previous owners.

On the homeschool front, we've gotten very little done today.  Sigh.  To tell you the truth, I'm not into it today either.  My re staging PET Scan is tomorrow and that's all I can think about.  It's scheduled for 7:30am.  I need to be there by 7:20am and I can't have any caffeine for 12 hours before the test. Yuk, yuk, yuk!

I didn't want to miss any of the Superbowl (or the commercials), so the dinner dishes never got done last night.  Consequently, they are still in the sink.  I ignored them as I fixed lunch.  I need to get them done before Dan gets home so he never finds out about his slothful wife.

I have resisted sitting the kids in front of the television, but, my resolve is faltering.  To be honest, I just want to curl up under a blanket in my recliner with the cat on my lap and let the kids drink in some Spongebob for the rest of the day.

Now, if I could just get the bird to put away all the folded clothes...

Prayers Please!

I'd like to ask you all to remember me in your prayers over the next several days.  I'm scheduled for my re-staging PET Scan on February 8th at 7:30am.  As it gets closer and closer to the day, my anxiety level slowly increases.  In addition to that, I have not been feeling well lately and whenever I experience new or strange symptoms, I'm always a little wary.

I'm hoping that the problems I'm experiencing right now are medication related.  If I could just learn to deal with issues as they come, I'd be a lot better off.  Instead, I do my best to live in denial for some things and just pretend that everything is fine.

I'm sure that part of the reason I'm feeling so poorly is that I'm not sleeping well.  I've always been a night person and it seems that I'm still awake after midnight most of the time.  My husband thinks that if I could just GO TO BED, turn off all the lights and the TV, I might be able to slow my mind down enough to get some rest.  I know he's right....but habits are hard to break, and, a girl with panic attacks has got to do what a girls gotta do!

Some other factors that are contributing  are....my weight, stress, too much caffeine,  work, and a recent upper respiratory infection that is STILL hanging around.  Put all this together with the worry of my upcoming scan and the fact that I am prone to depression....and you end up with a terrible mess!  Yep, that's me right now!

The thing is, I KNOW that God is in control!  I really do know this.  But for some reason, this knowledge doesn't always bring me comfort.  And so, I beg you for your prayers.  Thank you!