Tuesday, September 11, 2012


I haven't been sleeping well lately.  I think I'm just too keyed up.  I still haven't heard anything from my oncologists office yet.  It seems, at night when I'm alone with my thoughts, my mind concentrates on this whole issue and I get very anxious. 

I do have a prescription for an anti anxiety medication, but I rarely take it.  I save them for when I'm having a real, genuine panic attack.  Thankfully, those don't happen that often so one prescription of 30 pills last me eight or nine months!

Several years ago, I was given a prescription for a sleep aid...Ambien.  I NEVER take these!  I'm always afraid that I won't wake up or that my kids will need me in the middle of the night and I won't be "with it" enough to take care of them.  But lately, I'm just not sleeping...at all.  I think I slept for about 3 hours total last night.  I can't function with many more days like that.

So tonight, I went searching the medicine cabinet for my bottle of Ambien.  It was originally prescribed for insomnia related to the steroids I had to take during chemotherapy.  According to the bottle, the prescription expired in 2010.  The last time I took one was in May of 2011...on the long flight over the ocean to Rome (and back).  It seemed to work pretty well and I felt better with the 6 hour time change.

Tomorrow is my day off, so I figured that if I took a pill tonight, I can sleep off the Ambien hangover and not have to worry.  So, when we got home from school tonight (it's "Back to School Night"), I changed my clothes, made sure all the backpacks were loaded with homework and soccer stuff.  Rushed everybody off to bed, took my pill and went to bed.  That was at 8:45pm.  It's now 9:31pm and I'm still wide awake!  Perhaps the pills have lost some potency since they expired almost two years ago.  I suppose I should ask to have it refilled.

All I wanted was some good rest tonight!  Some good, sound, restful sleep.  Something that could put my mind at rest too. It seems like it's been so long since I've awakened refreshed and feeling good.

All I want is the results of my latest lab tests, darn it!  That's all!  I need to know because I'm tired of worrying about it.  Dear Lord, please let the nurse call tomorrow with good news and in the meantime, can you allow this sleeping pill to do it's job.....like soon!  Thank you and Amen!

P.S.  I just finished editing this post and doing a spell check on it.....it's 9:45pm...I'm still awake.  Sigh.  I clearly need an updated prescription.  I guess I'll put that on the list of things to do tomorrow!

Sweet Dreams everyone, sweat dreams!

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