Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Resolutions....should I or shouldn't I?

'Tis the season for resolutions, plans and goals!  Each year, I start out with lofty plans!  Don't you?
I think everyone does.  My list usually goes something like this:

1.  Lose weight
2.  Be a better mom
3.  Give more to others
4.  Quit complaining
5.  Be more organized

I usually do pretty well, until about...February.  Then I'm back to my old habits and I spend the rest of the year trying to put out fires in my life until January 1st rolls around again, just to start the whole cycle over.

I'm so tired of it all. 

I no longer wish to just do things differently, I actually want to be different!   The kind of positive changes that I want to make in my life are really not the ones that can be measured by a scale or how many times I fuss at my children....although those things can be important in enjoying an over all sense of well being.

I've come to the conclusion that change comes from my attitude more than by anything else.  I want to be the one that is changed....on the inside, not just my physical appearance or circumstances.   I guess what I'm truly saying here is that I don't want to be defined by who I am on the outside, but by who I am on the inside.  Who I am on the outside should be just a reflection of what's on the inside. Currently, I don't think this is the case...and if it is.....then I don't like the reflection looking back at me in the mirror. 

Many, many years ago, back when I was just emerging from a teenager to a young adult...I heard a song on the radio that touched me deeply.  It wasn't a temporal reaction to the lyrics.  It was deep sense of who I was then, and who I wanted to be....in my soul.  It was the first time that I remember feeling as though God was talking directly to me.  The lyrics went like this....

If you see the moon
Rising gently on your fields
If the wind blows softly on your face
If the sunset lingers
While the cathedral bells peal
And the moon has risen to her place
Chorus:  You can thank the Father
For the things he has done
Thank Him for the things He's yet to do
And if you find a love that's tender
If you find someone who's true
Thank the Lord
He's been doubly good to you
If you look in the mirror
At the end of a hard day
And you know in your heart you have not lied
If you gave love freely
If you earned an honest wage
And if you've got Jesus by your side
Then you can thank the Father......
(Amy Grant/Rich Mullins)
Since that moment all those years ago, I've known that the reflection looking back at me in the mirror was always going to be more about who I was on the inside....rather than my physical appearance.  Is it any wonder why I don't look in the mirror much?  I know what's there....and I know what's not.  THIS is what I want my New Year Resolution to be about this year.  I want to be able to look in the mirror at the end of a hard day and be able to see more of HIM, than of me.  I want to know that I'm being authentic...that I'm becoming more and more the person that I know God made to be. 
I will never be perfect..especially in my own eyes, but I NEED to be moving forward everyday.
I still want to be a better mom.  I still want to lose weight and be more organized.  I still want to dust the top of the refrigerator once a month and have all the socks match after I do laundry.  But those things aren't what's really important.  The reality of those things don't make me a better person.
I want to BE a better person, rather than just looking like I am.
Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you"!  Before all time and space..He knew me!  He knows the person that looks back at me in the mirror.  He knows her intimately, and yet, He still loves her!  He loves her with a love that I can't even comprehend and that is infinite!
Thank you God, for this new year...for this new chance to be changed...to be renewed.  Help me to come to see that person reflected in the mirror the way you do.  Whatever comes my way this year, help me to not run from it.  Help me to see you in all things.  Help me to reflect you to others, rather than me.  Be with me as I put out all the fires of life.  I ask this in Jesus' Name.  Amen.

Oh...and just for the record....I want to learn to knit this year! 



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