Saturday, September 13, 2008

The Power of Suggestion

Who knew that just the slightest mention of something could take your imagination on a trip to the moon and back! About a week ago, the results of the Cat Scan showed that I had a decent sized cyst (4 cm) on my right ovary. Now...please understand, up until that time....I felt nothing...nada. Since then, I've developed symptoms. Amazing! Though the symptoms are pretty vague...they are still there. I feel a slight "heaviness" on the right side, almost a bloated feeling. When I turn a certain way or get up from sitting on the floor, I feel a twinge of pain in that general area. I seriously wonder if the pain is actually there or if I'm just making it up! I think it's pretty pathetic when you don't even know for sure if something is wrong or if it's all in your head. I guess I'll know soon enough. Please God, let it just be a cyst...I couldn't handle anything else right now!
All my previously scheduled tests have been completed. I'm sure the ultrasound for the ovarian cyst will be just around the corner. There are bruises all over my right arm where IV's have been and each of them have a left a hole....count em....4. My right chest is also bruised (beautiful colors of yellow, green and purple) where the cath was placed. It's still slightly swollen but you can barely make out where the cath is under the skin. Thank goodness it will be there for over a year as I'm not sure I could go through another procedure like that for awhile.
It's funny to me that I'm already sick of hospitals and my treatment hasn't even begun yet.
The kids are pretty tired of hearing, "mommy's tired" as my excuse for not engaging them as much as usual. The truth is...I really am tired. I don't know if the anesthesia is to blame or if I'm having anticipatory fatigue. I guess I'm just a mental case these days. Most days I have a good amount of energy in the morning, but, by the late afternoon I feel as though I've been hit by a truck. I feel so relieved once homework, dinner, baths and stories are all done for the night and I can sit down and relax. I usually last about an hour although I try to stay awake until Dan comes home.
The kids have been playing musical beds lately. When we wake up in the morning, usually at least one of them has wandered to the couch. Occassionally, one will end up in our bed. I'm usually in the recliner because right now, it is uncomfortable for me to sleep on either side. My left arm is still very stiff (yes, I'm doing my exercises) and my right one is still too painful. I wake up several times during the night and sometimes when I wake up...I can't get back to sleep at all. When that happens, I turn on the a crossword puzzle or a soduku and wait for my brain to slow down long enough to doze for a few minutes before the whole house is up.
Well, I think I've moaned enough for today. I'll moan more tomorrow!

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