Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Grief

My good friend's mother died on Sunday morning.  She was moved to the inpatient hospice center earlier in the week, although, she did not have cancer.  The doctor really didn't know how long she had...possibly a few months, or maybe a few weeks.  Only God knew that in reality, she only had a few days. After her husband died several years ago, her health began to decline and she became very dependent on others to assist with daily living.  Her grief at the loss of her husband was so great that her body began to respond  to that grief negatively.  Grief is funny thing.

My father passed away 28 years ago.  At times, it feels like it was yesterday.  I can still smell his cologne, I can still hear the way he used to clear his throat.  Sometimes, when I'm in a large crowd, I think I can hear him talking and I turn around and start searching the room....as if I would find him there.  While the pain of loss is dulled with time, it never goes away.  The old adage that says..."time heals all wounds" is pretty much a lie.  If the wound is deep, there is usually a scar.  The scar remains as a reminder of a past hurt.  Sometimes, the scar can hurt as well.

When my mom died in 2006, I grieved again.  I know that the death of our parents is the natural order of things.  We all are moving toward our eventual reunion with God.  But with both parents gone, I felt alone.
I'm an adult..with a wonderful husband, great kids and a terrific support system.  But, losing both parents is hard.  It's as though I've been left on this earth alone.  The two people that cooperated with God in my creation are gone.  It's was interesting for me to realize that so much of my identity was linked with my mom and dad. 

Today, I read a great article on Catholic Exchange about grieving.  As I attend the funeral of my friend's mom, I'll think of my own parents.  And, I guess I'll be thinking of the loss my children will face someday, when Dan and I are gone.  It's ok to grieve.  This life is only a moment in time.  We can rejoice knowing that (in the words of a wonderful song by Steven Curtis Chapman), we are not home yet.

7 comments:

scmom (Barbara) said...

Your deep feeling of loss is evidence of deep love. Just think how great will be the reunion!

Therese said...

You have just put into words what I can never seem to say about my own parents' deaths. Thank you, dear friend!

Frizzy and Bird said...

You've brought me to tears. I'm sorry for your losses and that of your friend. I dread the day Bird or I lose our parents. I can't imagine life or a day w/o knowing I can call them and hear their voices. I think this is a beautiful post Nancy! Absolutely heartfelt and BEAUTIFUL.

Sarah Oldham said...

When you think you are hearing your dad or mum, say a prayer for them . . . if they are in purgatory, it's a great help to them (and you, in its way). God bless you.
I just realized my pop will be 69 this year, God willing. Mum is getting on, too, and they both have the "old age" issues . . . I want so badly to keep them young, you know? Fly them here to HI and show them God's tropical artwork!
Beautiful post!!!

Mary333 said...

I'm sorry you lost both your parents already Nancy, it must be hard. This was a touching post on grief - especially the memories of your father. Both my parents are still living though I know that someday I won't have them anymore. I dread the thought.

Carrie said...

Beautiful post.

Colleen said...

Beautiful post. Blessings.