It seems I've somehow stumbled into an Advent blogging break. To tell you the truth, I don't really know what's going on with me. I'm having a hard time finding the Spirit of Christmas. Each year it comes and goes faster and faster! Frankly, I'm still stuck somewhere between Halloween and Thanksgiving.
I feel depressed and somewhat overwhelmed. Everything seems to be a chore. Every morning when I wake up, I try to think of something to blog about...but nothing comes. I thought putting up the tree would bring that festive feeling....nope. I didn't feel much like decorating the rest of the house like I usually do. But, I did it anyway. Mostly for the kids but also in hopes that it would bring a better mood....nope. Even the creche (although empty) brings me no solace right now.
There is no joy in my house. That is really a tragedy given the circumstances. Three years ago, I was begging God for my life. Today, I have my life, but I'm not satisfied. How's that for ungratefulness? I feel like such a sorry excuse for a human being...a wife...and mother. I have so much, yet I'm not happy.
I'm dreading the Christmas program at school tomorrow night. I had to search the local Kmart with a fine toothed comb looking for a red top and black bottoms for Amelia. You'd think there would be tons of red at Christmas...right? Wrong! Apparently the colors this year are pink, black, and purple. I managed to dig out a red sweater (this is Florida....no need for sweaters) out of the sale bin...and some black leggings. She still needs shoes but we don't get paid until Friday and the funds have dried up. So, I guess I'll stuff her size 13 feet into a size 12 shoe.
Olivia is covered...I've got her dress and some shoes. She really needs a pair of red socks....but again...NO RED at Kmart. I'll try Walmart in the morning.
Nathan....well, his part of the program calls for a costume that his teachers described as a "military angel"! Yes, you read that right. A military angel. I'm at a total loss with this one. A friend has an army jacket that we can borrow....but I have no idea how to make him an angel. He refuses to wear his sister's fairy wings. I don't blame him.
Anyway...to me, this is all nonsense. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up in January. Just two more days and the kids are out until January 3rd. I'm not even excited for that.
Have you every wanted to just get in the car and drive....anywhere? Have you ever wanted to just disappear...to a place where no one knows you...where you can be alone with your own thoughts and have no one bugging you? Have you ever wanted to be left alone.....for there to be no expectations of you?
I'm tired. Going to bed.