Thursday, May 30, 2013

An epiphany!

It came to me while I was driving home from work on Monday.  I had been thinking about the last several months with Amelia and wondering what we could have done differently that would have changed this nightmare.  I had begun to think about the fact that we didn't really take any action last year and that maybe our inaction was what really fueled the fire for this year.  About the time I was right in the middle of the pity party, blaming myself, I heard (though not with my ears) or felt the words, "Turn it over.  Turn over the situation and turn over Amelia". 

I have always known that these children are not really mine.  They are only on loan to me.  God created them and they belong to Him.  He has allowed Dan and I to cooperate with Him to bring life to them.  We are charged with their care for only a short time.  Our job is to love them, to nurture them, to take care of all of their needs but most importantly, we are to do all we can to get them to heaven.  But somehow, these facts get lost in our day to day lives.  I am the parent and therefore I take on this authoritative attitude that stings of pride.  After all, I'm sure I know better than God, right?  No.

When I was pregnant with Nathan, after having suffered several miscarriages, my sister-in-law gave me a small blue book called "A Mothers' Manual" by A. Francis Coomes, S.J.  This book is filled with wonderful prayers for mom and moms to be.  I found a prayer in there that I had never heard before...at least at that time in my life (young(er) and no parental experience at all!) that was called "Consecration of a Child to Mary".  I immediately prayed that prayer for my unborn son.

I have since prayed that prayer for each of my children.  I've given them over to the protection of the Blessed Mother.  There is no one better to mother them.  My desire is that she can fill in the gaps (or gaping holes) when I fall short.  And I do, often.

Right now, I don't know what to do about Amelia.  I am doing all that I know to do, but I feel as though I am falling so short, as her mother.  I need Mary to fill in the gaps for me now. 

I have prayed these two very special prayers again for all of my kids, but especially for Amelia right now.  I know that Mary heard that prayer the first time I prayed it for her, and I'm in no way suggesting that Mary has stopped protecting her or has withdrawn her protection or that it somehow didn't "take" the first time.  I pray this prayer again and hand her over to the Blessed Mother as a reminder to ME, that I am not in control, that she isn't really mine anyway, that God IS in control.  Perhaps God wants me to surrender her again....to stop trying to figure out every single detail.  God is already in the midst of this struggle.  While I was wanting someone at the school to come along side Amelia to help her through this...God is reminding me that HE (and His Precious Mother) are already along side her....they've never left!

These are the two prayers:

Consecration of a Child to Mary

Holy Mary, mother of God and mother of all the faithful, I place my little child under your motherly protection.  To you I completely consecrate my child, body and soul.  Take her under your care and keep her always.  Protect her in her infancy and keep her sound in body and mind.  Guard her youth and keep her heart pure, her thoughts ever holy and directed to God and the things of God.  Protect her always throughout life--in her joys and sorrows, in her successes and failures, in her dealings with others.  Always and in all things be a true mother to her, Mary, and preserve her.  I commend her entirely to you.  Remember, Mother Mary, that through this act of consecration she becomes in a special way your child as well as mine; guard her and keep her as your very own.  Amen.



For Protection of One's Children

Holy Mother Mary, by virtue of your divine motherhood you have become mother of us all.  I place the dear ones God has given me under your loving protection.  Be a protecting mother to my children.  Guard their bodies and keep their thoughts ever holy in the sight of their creator and God.  Guard their hearts and keep them pure and strong and happy in the love of God.  Guard always their souls, and preserve in them faithfully the glorious image of God they received in Baptism.  Always, Mother, protect them and keep them under your motherly care.  Supply in your all-wise motherhood for my poor human deficiencies and protect them from all evil.  Amen.


5 comments:

Thia said...

What a wonderful insight! It's so easy to forget Who the kids belong to.

LLMom said...

I love the Mother's manual book. I am so sorry about your daughter. My 20 year old son struggled so much as a child. He had a diagnosis of ADHD/ODD, but then we found out when he was almost 18, that it is actually bipolar. I have had to learn surrender in a very hard way. We moms want to help our children so much, but we learn the hard way we are not in control. I will pray for you.

Kari said...

Nancy-

I LOVE your little tag line after your title. I can relate SO much. I, too, know that God tells us to "Be Not Afraid". I understand that He wants me to be at peace and trust in Him- but half the time- I am a nervous wreck too! Nice to know, I'm not alone. :)

I also wanted to let you know, I have been reading about all your struggles with Amelia this year. I can feel how hard and how heart breaking this is for you and for her. I've been praying for her a lot lately and find myself thinking about all of you a lot.

I hope next year will be better and that she'll find her niche in this world. I pray she will come to see that she is a beautiful young lady made in the image and likeness of Our Lord and that she is loved by Him and by her family.

Our Blessed Mother will always be watching over her!

God Bless, Kari

Nancy said...

Thia...I just got your email yesterday! Thank you. I know things will be alright...eventually. Until then, we'll muddle through as best we can. I will email you privately about some other things!

LLMom....I wonder if a child Amelia's age can be bipolar? I have often thought this could be the case. In any event, we will know on June 5th! Thank you for your prayers....we need them!

Kari...we have had some successes just in the last two days. I plan to post about those soon. Thank you for your very kind words. She IS a beautiful young lady with a wonderful personality (most of the time) and I know she will be successful in life. I will never give up on her...no matter what!

Just Be Real said...

Great perspective Nancy. Many things are on loan for us down here. Hugs.