Saturday, July 16, 2011

Not sure

I'm not sure what's going on with me.  Something is, though.  God is doing something.  It has to be big because I haven't felt this uneasy in a long time.  We have a history of this you know, God and I.  It almost feels like a "warning" of sorts.  Maybe "warning" isn't the right word.  Hmmm.  Perhaps "preparation" is better.

Physically, I feel worse than I've ever felt (and that's putting it mildly).  Emotionally, I'm flat lined.  Spiritually, I'm floating....and I don't mean "high".  I'm just floating along, in no particular direction, with no particular goal.

I know that when I am in this place, I should be drawing closer to the Lord and His Mother.  For some reason, I can't.  I think I need them to draw closer to me this time.

Depression is a funny thing.  It makes you feel as though you are stuck....like you can't move, when really all you want to do is to run.

"Fervently, I seek my God in the material things of heaven and earth, and I do not find Him.  I seek the reality of Him in my own soul, and I do not find it.  Yet I am determined to seek my God.  In my yearning to understand and look into the invisible things of God by means of created things, I pour out my soul within me.  I have no other purpose henceforth but to reach my God" --St. Augustine's Commentary on Psalm 41,8

"I call upon You, my God, my Mercy, my Creator.  I had forgotten You, but You held me ever in Your sight" --St. Augustine's Confessions 13, 1

6 comments:

Michelle said...

Nancy, I've been following your blog for a while and I know you've been through a lot lately. I hope and pray you find the solace you need.

Therese said...

When I get like this, I tend to repeat, "Jesus, I trust in you!" Praying for you my friend! HUGS!

Just Be Real said...

Sending (((((Nancy))))) your way dear one.

Therese said...

what Therese said. It is a quick simple prayer and gets me through.

Praying here for you too.

Colleen said...

Therese hit it right on the head - I usually cut that down to just "Jesus", over and over whenever my mind remembers it, as I walk through my days. It has gotten me through depression, especially one really bad time. The power of His name.
Prayers and hugs.

Owner of Homeschool Faith and Family Life Website said...

Oh how satan LOOOOVES our neutrality.
He looooves to paralyze us in our "funk".
When you lose friend after friend for over a year...you're going to FEEL it Nancy. I know that if you feel "low", you must feel as though you're being "ungrateful" since your life was spared of cancer...but you're NOT ungrateful...you are just grieving. JESUS WEPT for Lazarus.
God IS doing something.
So ride it out.
Let Him do it.
Whatever it is.
I love you and you're in my prayers.