I'm not sure what's going on with me. Something is, though. God is doing something. It has to be big because I haven't felt this uneasy in a long time. We have a history of this you know, God and I. It almost feels like a "warning" of sorts. Maybe "warning" isn't the right word. Hmmm. Perhaps "preparation" is better.
Physically, I feel worse than I've ever felt (and that's putting it mildly). Emotionally, I'm flat lined. Spiritually, I'm floating....and I don't mean "high". I'm just floating along, in no particular direction, with no particular goal.
I know that when I am in this place, I should be drawing closer to the Lord and His Mother. For some reason, I can't. I think I need them to draw closer to me this time.
Depression is a funny thing. It makes you feel as though you are stuck....like you can't move, when really all you want to do is to run.
"Fervently, I seek my God in the material things of heaven and earth, and I do not find Him. I seek the reality of Him in my own soul, and I do not find it. Yet I am determined to seek my God. In my yearning to understand and look into the invisible things of God by means of created things, I pour out my soul within me. I have no other purpose henceforth but to reach my God" --St. Augustine's Commentary on Psalm 41,8
"I call upon You, my God, my Mercy, my Creator. I had forgotten You, but You held me ever in Your sight" --St. Augustine's Confessions 13, 1