I was so hopeful for 2012. I really was. Today is January 9th.....that's NINE days into this new year! Here's what has happened so far.....
1. The husband of a very good friend died over the weekend. He was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months back. They did some chemo, but it just made him too sick so they stopped treatment. He didn't last long after that. May he rest in peace!
Have I mentioned lately how much I HATE cancer!!!
2. The water pump died on our truck! We can't afford a mechanic, so Dan will have to do the replacement himself. This is definitely something he can do....but trying to find the time and the right equipment is the problem. Having two vehicles is a luxury, for sure! For the last few days, Dan has had to take the kids to school as well as take me to work. Because of this, his work day is shorter and therefore has to go back to work after we are all home. This stinks. Of course, then I'm stuck at home with no car.
3. Someone got a hold of the debit card number. We were already running very, very low on funds. Whoever it was, cleaned us out! There is now $17 in the checking account! They bought 3 $50 phone cards for prison inmates! Bank of America is working on restoring the money to the account. The only good news is that....I don't have a car (see item #2 above). I mean, if you're not going to have a car to drive....you may as well not have any money to spend either.
I don't mind mentioning that I'm nearing the end of my proverbial rope. I'm beginning to wonder if the reason I can't find any JOY is because there just isn't any. Everywhere I look, every place I go....darkness. I'm tired of being in a bad mood. I'm tired of yelling at my kids. I'm tired of being disgusted at my life and my circumstances.
This week, in our Little Flowers Girls Club, we discussed the virtue of HOPE. I feel as though I have none. We also discussed St. Monica and how she prayed for her son (St. Augustine) for years and years and years to come back to the Church. If I have to wait (for peace and joy) that long, I can honestly say....I'm not going to make it!
I'm going to turn comments off for awhile. I'm very thankful for all of you....your encouragement and support. But right now, I just need to vent and I don't want anybody to feel obligated to respond to my little rants.
Hopefully, one of these days I'll be able to pull myself up out of this hole.