“I plead with you--never, ever give up on hope, never doubt, never tire, and never become discouraged. Be not afraid.”
"Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."
It all sounds good, doesn't it? But, here's the truth......I'm a fraud! Yes, there it is. I am afraid....very afraid. Clearly, I'm not a very faithful Catholic. I talk a good game, but in reality, I'm a wimp.
Anyway, I'm still thinking of a good name for this blog...it needs a change. Here are some of the ideas I have been thinking about. Let me know what you think. In the meantime, I've changed my blog description to more accurately portray who I am..at least in my own eyes.
"Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid"
"Blessed Are The Frightened, For They Shall Sweat Profusely"
"The Uniboob Lady"
OK...so most of those are "tongue in cheek", but you get the idea. I feel so weak and vulnerable right now. Whenever I sign into Blogger to compose a post, I'm stopped dead in my tracks when I see those words "Be Not Afraid". I truly don't WANT to be afraid, but I am. I'm afraid of the unknown. I'm afraid of dying. I'm afraid that if I do, my children won't remember me as they grow. I'm afraid of becoming a foggy memory to them. I'm afraid of not being brave. I'm afraid of never accepting what might be happening....of living in denial.
So, I've asked myself, "What is the worst thing that could happen?" Wrong question to ask myself! I came up with a bunch of stuff! I guess my worst fear is that after I have the Cat Scan...that they'll find that the scan lights up like a Christmas tree and that there is cancer everywhere...and then they decide that I'm too far gone for treatment and I should just go home to die!
Can you say, drama?
I know intellectually that this is silly. I do, I swear! But emotionally, it's just where I am.
Seriously though, I'm taking suggestions for a new blog title! Winner gets my "undying" (LOL) gratitude!