Sunday, September 16, 2012

Blog name.

I've been kicking around the idea of changing my blog name.  Originally, I picked this name because I wanted to go through my cancer treatment with courage and I never wanted to forget the words of Pope John Paul II:

“I plead with you--never, ever give up on hope, never doubt, never tire, and never become discouraged. Be not afraid.”

"Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."

It all sounds good, doesn't it?  But, here's the truth......I'm a fraud!  Yes, there it is.  I am afraid....very afraid.  Clearly, I'm not a very faithful Catholic.  I talk a good game, but in reality, I'm a wimp. 

Anyway, I'm still thinking of a good name for this needs a change.  Here are some of the ideas I  have been thinking about.  Let me know what you think.  In the meantime, I've changed my blog description to more accurately portray who I least in my own eyes.

"Yeah, right"!

"Be Afraid.  Be Very Afraid"

"Cancer Sucks"

"Why Me?"

"Blessed Are The Frightened, For They Shall Sweat Profusely"

"The Uniboob Lady" most of those are "tongue in cheek", but you get the idea.  I feel so weak and vulnerable right now.   Whenever I sign into Blogger to compose a post, I'm stopped dead in my tracks when I see those words "Be Not Afraid".  I truly don't WANT to be afraid, but I am.  I'm afraid of the unknown.  I'm afraid of dying.  I'm afraid that if I do, my children won't remember me as they grow.  I'm afraid of becoming a foggy memory to them.  I'm afraid of not being brave.  I'm afraid of never accepting what might be happening....of living in denial.

So, I've asked myself, "What is the worst thing that could happen?"  Wrong question to ask myself!  I came up with a bunch of stuff!  I guess my worst fear is that after I have the Cat Scan...that they'll find that the scan lights up like a Christmas tree and that there is cancer everywhere...and then they decide that I'm too far gone for treatment and I should just go home to die! 

Can you say, drama?

I know intellectually that this is silly.  I do, I swear!  But emotionally, it's just where I am. 

Seriously though, I'm taking suggestions for a new blog title!  Winner gets my "undying" (LOL) gratitude!


Thia said...

Praying for you today.

Colleen said...

I think you should leave it the way it is. It encourages you to not be afraid! And it encourages the rest of us too. You are not alone in all of this. We are all afraid of something. At least I know I am.

mary333 said...

I think you named the blog exactly as God wanted you to and I hope you don't change it. The name of your blog has encouraged me in the past and no doubt others too. I hope you leave it. Please know I am praying for you.

Erika said...

I think your blod name DOES describe what your blog is about! You have stepped into the unknown and fought a battle with God at your side. You haven't forsaken your Faith during you battle. Instead you've clung to it and the people sent to you through it. I hope that you have been able to find some peace with the support of your brothers & sisters in Christ. You are a strong and brave woman. Please don't change your blog name... Anything else will not be as good of a description of you and your battle! God bless, Nancy!

Neen said...

I like the title. Go ahead and be afraid, be very afraid, then tell God to take it from you. He will.

Three years ago I had three friends all die at the same time. Linda was 43 and died of pancreatic cancer after 3 1/2 month batter, Kelly 35 after a 5 year battle with breast cancer, and Natalia who was 17 after a year battle with leukemia. Each one started off scared and then God's Grace came to each of them. I was so afraid of death until I was blessed to watch these woman of God. Each one struggled and had their down times, don't get me wrong. As time went on it became eaiser to focus on heaven than the pain of today. You don't have to be afraid because God can be afraid for you. I don't know how they did it but I trust that it will happen if you pray for it, but that is when the time comes - which is not now.

Remember that no matter what cancer does to you it can't do the worst thing. Dying isn't the worst, loosing heaven is. Cancer can't take heaven from you!! You are in my prayers.

Barb, ofs said...

I agree--keep the title. You can subtitle it with whatever you're feeling at the moment, as that may change. And there is NOTHING wrong with asking God to carry you along right now. Praying!

Jill Cohen said...

Nancy, so sorry you have to deal with cancer. I can hardly believe you read my blog all at once!

I wish you all the best, now and in the future.

Be well,


Jennifer Ambrose said...

I like Barb's idea--change the subtitle.