On the other hand, being a mom has also been my biggest joy in life! I have smiled more, laughed more, hugged more and loved more. There are days when I feel in complete control and days when I feel like throwing my hands up and saying, "I QUIT"!
Sometimes I feel very inadequate and unprepared...even from one day to the next. I'm continually amused there is no training manual...no classes to show you how to do it. One day, you go to the hospital and the next, the nurses hand you this baby and say..."here ya go"! Doesn't anyone else think that's completely nuts?
I had a good mom. My sister and I were always clean, clothed and fed. Our mom took care of us when we were sick and made sure we took our vitamins. Still, she wasn't "present" to us. She was an alcoholic. She was "present" to the alcohol....or, perhaps it was vice versa, I'm not sure. I knew she loved us but I always felt as though she loved the alcohol more.
This will be my 7th Mother's Day without my mom. She died in October of 2006. I miss her. It wasn't until AFTER her death that I finally had a grasp of this disease that she lived her whole life fighting. Alcoholism IS a disease you know. It's deadly.
After she died, I realized that she was free from it....forever. Finally. I had come to understand her struggle...from one mother to another. I had finally come to the place where I could forgive her for not being the mom I wanted her to be. She was the best mother she could be.
I came across a very special post on A Holy Experience this morning. I haven't had much time for blog reading lately and I've truly missed it. I'm so thankful that I found it. The post is titled, "Why Mother's Day is for the Birds". If you read nothing else today, please read this post. Just like Ann, I am no Hallmark mother, but I am real. I am a Velveteen Mother.
What kind of mother are you?
|My mom -Dianne Corniola|
Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms out there!